Well, it started raining in my son's room again. The housing association clearly didn't fix the roof at the god know's what opportunity. This is after I spent a small fortune on paint and a new bed for him. Plus I lost crucial writing time to re-decorate and deal with roofers, etc.
Then, the other day he was assaulted and mugged. His AirPods were stolen (I buy him nice things, even though I struggle to afford nice things so he can realise that hard work pays off, for years, he watched me working hard and starting to get somewhere only for someone to come and rip it all away, yes I've posted about this before, it did include teacher's at his primary school, it really impacted his ambition to do well in life and hurt his mental health and of course it wasn't just teachers, some people who behaved like that used the 'L' word either with me or with him or with both of us). But it gets worse. Due to my employer's paranoid, conspiracy theory based phone policy that they forced upon on one day (they also keep dangling a fucking carrot saying it is going to be reviewed, it won't be), the police couldn't contact me. So now my poor child who already went through an ordeal knows that his mum can't be reached. I obviously pointed out repeatedly how dangerous this phone policy was, but I wasn't listened to. And of course, my personal favourite bit of dismissiveness, 'no one likes change'. Hmmm... change doesn't bother me, putting my child in danger does.
So yeah, in addition to all the other bullshit I've been dealing with this year (including worsening ability to read due to some conflicting feedback and insecure people thinking if they say something enough it makes it true, so in other words bullying), I now have both of these things to deal with.
Obviously, I can't prevent my child from being mugged. This was in daylight, he was walking home from school. He has to go to school. Plus he should be able to go out (that was something I wasn't allowed to do except with a boyfriend, I vowed to never lock any child I had away). However, I should be contactable if something bad occurs (and I'm afraid no amount of positive thought prevents bad things from happening, they happen to us all). I should be able to prevent a bad situation from becoming worse, but unfortunately, my employer doesn't see it like that. We're still waiting for the police to take my son's statement, so I'll be discussing this situation with them.
So two situations. One of which shouldn't exist at all. The other of which shouldn't be as bad as it is. And I've been dealing with crap that really shouldn't exist since January. I am beyond my breaking point at this stage. When I did go to the doctor, the doctor was like 'but you're taking active steps to remove yourself from the situation already so I can't really do anything for you'.
I honestly cannot wait for this shitty year to end. With all of these extra traumatic situations, I may not get everything done that I need to. Just please bare with me. I am dealing with a lot of crap. Story Time is recorded and uploaded for episodes up to 13th October. I may miss weeks after that. I am sorry. My website posts have obviously been taking a hit. I'm trying my best to get my novel done while working on self-publishing projects. I honestly do not want a repeat of those ten years between graduation and #metoo to interfere with my work as it did during that time because that just keeps the cycle going. I am taking active steps (as the doctor pointed out to me) to fix this situation and get things back on track. Unfortunately, stuff beyond my control does happen (and all it does is remind me of those ten years because minus my son being assaulted and mugged, the other two problems wouldn't fucking exist if I had been allowed to work after graduating).
I usually get blamed when stuff beyond my control happens and then targeted for 'help' (which makes my life and my son's life harder and causes a lot of problems and debt), so I have that anxiety hanging over me as well. I know the laws are changing, but they're still only applying on domestic, family and social fronts and don't yet apply to employers or schools (or even the police). So, technically it is illegal for some people to inflict 'help' on me, it isn't illegal for others.
thank you if you have been watching Story Time without my posts about it or if you have picked up Strip/Becoming. It means a lot and it makes a difference (including in terms of the 'help' because you get told how worthless you are and it gets implied that you haven't done anything at all to help yourself - yes, seriously, and yes, my son's former teachers did do that).
I need a fucking holiday. I haven't had one. A proper one where I pick where to go and it doesn't involve the USA in any way shape or form. Ever. Something like lounging on a beach somewhere tropical. Once these debts and the problems caused by those ten years of not being allowed to work are dealt with, I'm having that fucking holiday.
I will try to be back as my usual bubbly self as soon as possible with my usual posts as soon as possible. 2023 sucks!
Then, the other day he was assaulted and mugged. His AirPods were stolen (I buy him nice things, even though I struggle to afford nice things so he can realise that hard work pays off, for years, he watched me working hard and starting to get somewhere only for someone to come and rip it all away, yes I've posted about this before, it did include teacher's at his primary school, it really impacted his ambition to do well in life and hurt his mental health and of course it wasn't just teachers, some people who behaved like that used the 'L' word either with me or with him or with both of us). But it gets worse. Due to my employer's paranoid, conspiracy theory based phone policy that they forced upon on one day (they also keep dangling a fucking carrot saying it is going to be reviewed, it won't be), the police couldn't contact me. So now my poor child who already went through an ordeal knows that his mum can't be reached. I obviously pointed out repeatedly how dangerous this phone policy was, but I wasn't listened to. And of course, my personal favourite bit of dismissiveness, 'no one likes change'. Hmmm... change doesn't bother me, putting my child in danger does.
So yeah, in addition to all the other bullshit I've been dealing with this year (including worsening ability to read due to some conflicting feedback and insecure people thinking if they say something enough it makes it true, so in other words bullying), I now have both of these things to deal with.
Obviously, I can't prevent my child from being mugged. This was in daylight, he was walking home from school. He has to go to school. Plus he should be able to go out (that was something I wasn't allowed to do except with a boyfriend, I vowed to never lock any child I had away). However, I should be contactable if something bad occurs (and I'm afraid no amount of positive thought prevents bad things from happening, they happen to us all). I should be able to prevent a bad situation from becoming worse, but unfortunately, my employer doesn't see it like that. We're still waiting for the police to take my son's statement, so I'll be discussing this situation with them.
So two situations. One of which shouldn't exist at all. The other of which shouldn't be as bad as it is. And I've been dealing with crap that really shouldn't exist since January. I am beyond my breaking point at this stage. When I did go to the doctor, the doctor was like 'but you're taking active steps to remove yourself from the situation already so I can't really do anything for you'.
I honestly cannot wait for this shitty year to end. With all of these extra traumatic situations, I may not get everything done that I need to. Just please bare with me. I am dealing with a lot of crap. Story Time is recorded and uploaded for episodes up to 13th October. I may miss weeks after that. I am sorry. My website posts have obviously been taking a hit. I'm trying my best to get my novel done while working on self-publishing projects. I honestly do not want a repeat of those ten years between graduation and #metoo to interfere with my work as it did during that time because that just keeps the cycle going. I am taking active steps (as the doctor pointed out to me) to fix this situation and get things back on track. Unfortunately, stuff beyond my control does happen (and all it does is remind me of those ten years because minus my son being assaulted and mugged, the other two problems wouldn't fucking exist if I had been allowed to work after graduating).
I usually get blamed when stuff beyond my control happens and then targeted for 'help' (which makes my life and my son's life harder and causes a lot of problems and debt), so I have that anxiety hanging over me as well. I know the laws are changing, but they're still only applying on domestic, family and social fronts and don't yet apply to employers or schools (or even the police). So, technically it is illegal for some people to inflict 'help' on me, it isn't illegal for others.
thank you if you have been watching Story Time without my posts about it or if you have picked up Strip/Becoming. It means a lot and it makes a difference (including in terms of the 'help' because you get told how worthless you are and it gets implied that you haven't done anything at all to help yourself - yes, seriously, and yes, my son's former teachers did do that).
I need a fucking holiday. I haven't had one. A proper one where I pick where to go and it doesn't involve the USA in any way shape or form. Ever. Something like lounging on a beach somewhere tropical. Once these debts and the problems caused by those ten years of not being allowed to work are dealt with, I'm having that fucking holiday.
I will try to be back as my usual bubbly self as soon as possible with my usual posts as soon as possible. 2023 sucks!
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