A really random selection from Ketamine Addicted Pandas by Dani Brown, the Queen of Filth
And yes, the characters are rather literal pandas that have escaped from the zoo. No, ketamine isn't strong enough for a panda. Enjoy and don't forget to pick up your copy.
The panda king led the convoy. Baboons shat into their hands and threw it out of the cage at hikers. Next stop, Jay intended on looting a television and some porno DVDs to kick start the breeding programme. Everyone wanted to taste sweet baboon brain on their tongues. A sampling of baboon miscarriage could happen if the little shit-throwing fuckers became stressed. Stress was sure to happen on the trail to nowhere.
Finland wasn’t all that different from Sweden. The scenery would start to change once they went south, Jay was certain of it. And if it didn’t, they could always drive to the Middle East for some desert fun.
They skipped burning the first church they drove past in favour of stealing some television sets for the baboons. Any pandas they missed would need something to torch to keep their hearts light.
They found a seedy sex shop around the corner from the place they took the TVs from and raided the entire porno section. Baboons needed porno on blu-ray. It would really help with the breeding. High definition cocks were the way to go.
The pandas helped themselves to dildos and fancy lubricants. The fancy lubricants and massage oils were for use on each other. Tiffany selected a special seduction kit for Fifi. That girl needed to pick one of the underground pandas and grow the fuck up.
The female pandas tried on the lingerie, but it didn’t fit. They left the torn pieces all over the floor. This was one building they didn’t plan on torching. The pandas were confident it would cause more suffering left in a state with all the pornos gone and a trail of bamboo and panda butt pellets.
The panda king bent over his queen for the CCTV and gave the tape a viewing of a position pandas were not known to fuck in. They made sure Fifi was watching regardless of how red in the face she went.
Another panda came up behind him and grabbed his balls. Another one sucked on the queen’s breasts. It was a big fat panda orgy.
Fifi didn’t join. She did feel a slight tingle in her groin and inched herself next to the eldest of the cubs from the underground pandas. He held out his hand to her. She hesitated, but did take it.
“What’s your name?”
“Max.”
“Max, I like that. I’m Fifi.”
“I know.”
Neither had anything else to say. They watched their parents and grandparents give new meaning to the word swinging and redefine orgy, all to give whoever reviewed the CCTV footage something to be sick over.
Tiffany may have been sucking on two panda cocks at the same time with another up her arse, but she found a way to look over at her granddaughter. She would have smiled if she could, but two giant panda cocks take up too much space to move muscles into smiling positions. Young love and new genes in the family needed to be encouraged.
If only they thought to shave themselves before hand, then the CCTV viewers would see what parts pandas have. They were proud of their fur though. It was going to take forever to comb out all the cum. They wouldn’t last a bus journey to China with all that spunk in their fur, but they could post the flakes to the Chinese government.
Once the orgy was over and the sex shop was flooded with panda spunk and shit pellets, they decided they were hungry. The baboons hadn’t started reproducing yet, so they opted for human brain.
32
Instead of a church, they went to a restaurant. Fine dining presented poorly put together dishes with idiots willing to pay through the nose for them. The brains all tasted the same and they weren’t all that different from baboon brain and washed down really well with the microbrew pisswater the humans were so fond of.
After an orgy and feast, pandas needed cigarettes. Vaping just wouldn’t do. Most people switched to vaping, even the hipsters in the restaurant. The pandas had to move the convoy to a convenience shop and raid the cartons of smokes. Driving the buses in and out of tight spaces was not an ideal way to spend a sunny afternoon.
They helped themselves to some lighters and wished for a country where pot was legal. That would make their lives so much easier. The cubs needed something to calm themselves after the extra infusions of ketamine. Their blood must by at least half party drugs by now.
Tobacco would do. Good to start the cubs out early. The underground pandas already had black lungs and they were alive and walking, torching things and fucking.
They couldn’t roll their own with their clumsy paws, but all the tailor-mades, menthol, slims and regulars made it onto their buses. Max lit up one for Fifi. Tiffany spied it and sighed. Young love was so sweet and innocent, although Fifi was guaranteed to hate him during labour pains. They weren’t at that stage yet, though.
The pandas drove on, looking for a place to stop for the night. A cheap motel wouldn’t house all the pandas and they didn’t want to sleep between various guy’s diseased sperm and mouldy old sheets. Top of the range hotel it was.
King Jay fucked the receptionist in the ear. He had to prove to her who was boss. The other pandas with cocks did likewise to other hotel staff and guests. The female of the species grabbed room keys. True, they could easily bust down the doors, but after being cramped on the tour buses they were all pretty fucking sick of each other and wanted to rest without catching a glimpse of Thomas’s fat bottom. They didn’t want to hear Janie’s screams of pleasure either as he pounded into her.
Fucking the staff and guests was the only way to subdue them and crack open their heads at the same time. The male pandas let their wives suck brain goo from their paws.
All those juicy brains needn’t go to waste. Pandas were always hungry, especially growing panda cubs. They had to get their own brains though with their parents well on their way to another orgy- once all the keys were collected, of course.
With all the people in the hotel dead, Jay handed out keys. They couldn’t go find rooms without a spot of wife swapping first. Jay and Tiffany didn’t take part this time.
***
And yes, the characters are rather literal pandas that have escaped from the zoo. No, ketamine isn't strong enough for a panda. Enjoy and don't forget to pick up your copy.
The panda king led the convoy. Baboons shat into their hands and threw it out of the cage at hikers. Next stop, Jay intended on looting a television and some porno DVDs to kick start the breeding programme. Everyone wanted to taste sweet baboon brain on their tongues. A sampling of baboon miscarriage could happen if the little shit-throwing fuckers became stressed. Stress was sure to happen on the trail to nowhere.
Finland wasn’t all that different from Sweden. The scenery would start to change once they went south, Jay was certain of it. And if it didn’t, they could always drive to the Middle East for some desert fun.
They skipped burning the first church they drove past in favour of stealing some television sets for the baboons. Any pandas they missed would need something to torch to keep their hearts light.
They found a seedy sex shop around the corner from the place they took the TVs from and raided the entire porno section. Baboons needed porno on blu-ray. It would really help with the breeding. High definition cocks were the way to go.
The pandas helped themselves to dildos and fancy lubricants. The fancy lubricants and massage oils were for use on each other. Tiffany selected a special seduction kit for Fifi. That girl needed to pick one of the underground pandas and grow the fuck up.
The female pandas tried on the lingerie, but it didn’t fit. They left the torn pieces all over the floor. This was one building they didn’t plan on torching. The pandas were confident it would cause more suffering left in a state with all the pornos gone and a trail of bamboo and panda butt pellets.
The panda king bent over his queen for the CCTV and gave the tape a viewing of a position pandas were not known to fuck in. They made sure Fifi was watching regardless of how red in the face she went.
Another panda came up behind him and grabbed his balls. Another one sucked on the queen’s breasts. It was a big fat panda orgy.
Fifi didn’t join. She did feel a slight tingle in her groin and inched herself next to the eldest of the cubs from the underground pandas. He held out his hand to her. She hesitated, but did take it.
“What’s your name?”
“Max.”
“Max, I like that. I’m Fifi.”
“I know.”
Neither had anything else to say. They watched their parents and grandparents give new meaning to the word swinging and redefine orgy, all to give whoever reviewed the CCTV footage something to be sick over.
Tiffany may have been sucking on two panda cocks at the same time with another up her arse, but she found a way to look over at her granddaughter. She would have smiled if she could, but two giant panda cocks take up too much space to move muscles into smiling positions. Young love and new genes in the family needed to be encouraged.
If only they thought to shave themselves before hand, then the CCTV viewers would see what parts pandas have. They were proud of their fur though. It was going to take forever to comb out all the cum. They wouldn’t last a bus journey to China with all that spunk in their fur, but they could post the flakes to the Chinese government.
Once the orgy was over and the sex shop was flooded with panda spunk and shit pellets, they decided they were hungry. The baboons hadn’t started reproducing yet, so they opted for human brain.
32
Instead of a church, they went to a restaurant. Fine dining presented poorly put together dishes with idiots willing to pay through the nose for them. The brains all tasted the same and they weren’t all that different from baboon brain and washed down really well with the microbrew pisswater the humans were so fond of.
After an orgy and feast, pandas needed cigarettes. Vaping just wouldn’t do. Most people switched to vaping, even the hipsters in the restaurant. The pandas had to move the convoy to a convenience shop and raid the cartons of smokes. Driving the buses in and out of tight spaces was not an ideal way to spend a sunny afternoon.
They helped themselves to some lighters and wished for a country where pot was legal. That would make their lives so much easier. The cubs needed something to calm themselves after the extra infusions of ketamine. Their blood must by at least half party drugs by now.
Tobacco would do. Good to start the cubs out early. The underground pandas already had black lungs and they were alive and walking, torching things and fucking.
They couldn’t roll their own with their clumsy paws, but all the tailor-mades, menthol, slims and regulars made it onto their buses. Max lit up one for Fifi. Tiffany spied it and sighed. Young love was so sweet and innocent, although Fifi was guaranteed to hate him during labour pains. They weren’t at that stage yet, though.
The pandas drove on, looking for a place to stop for the night. A cheap motel wouldn’t house all the pandas and they didn’t want to sleep between various guy’s diseased sperm and mouldy old sheets. Top of the range hotel it was.
King Jay fucked the receptionist in the ear. He had to prove to her who was boss. The other pandas with cocks did likewise to other hotel staff and guests. The female of the species grabbed room keys. True, they could easily bust down the doors, but after being cramped on the tour buses they were all pretty fucking sick of each other and wanted to rest without catching a glimpse of Thomas’s fat bottom. They didn’t want to hear Janie’s screams of pleasure either as he pounded into her.
Fucking the staff and guests was the only way to subdue them and crack open their heads at the same time. The male pandas let their wives suck brain goo from their paws.
All those juicy brains needn’t go to waste. Pandas were always hungry, especially growing panda cubs. They had to get their own brains though with their parents well on their way to another orgy- once all the keys were collected, of course.
With all the people in the hotel dead, Jay handed out keys. They couldn’t go find rooms without a spot of wife swapping first. Jay and Tiffany didn’t take part this time.
***