And Reptile finally went live on amazon for your extreme needs. By all means buy it, read it and feel like you haven't bathed in several weeks.
So I did a thing and here's the result.
And Reptile finally went live on amazon for your extreme needs. By all means buy it, read it and feel like you haven't bathed in several weeks.
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So yet more consequences of people not accepting freelance work is real work caught up with me yesterday. I hope that all of this is dealt with (minus the lingering debt) before the end of the year. My body is swollen from the stress and I already have enough to be dealing with. Then someone is doing something super positive and good and someone tried to turn it into something horrible and a big deal (I will be posting about that when I'm up to it) and drama.
As such, I am tired. I am cranky as hell from dealing with it. And people really need to stop trying to control others or manipulate their emotions. And especially stop fucking taking their personality disorders out on other people. Everybody has problems already without people and their goddamn cluster b disorders being projected everywhere. All that shit is just plain fucking evil. Like really evil. Like destroying people, their lives, their sanity and putting them into an early grave level of evil. But, the Stef and Tucker Book Five Mile High release happened on godless today. I'll hit publish on amazon on the day or thereabouts of Chester and Lester's Christmas in July Special's release. And we have some paperbacks. Still waiting on Reptile. But... Dark Roast The Previous Plastic Surgeon and Ketamine Addicted Pandas. If you are buying ebooks, get them from godless where they are $1 cheaper. I think I deserve to watch Umbrella Academy and rest a bit now with a cold can of Coke Zero. I still have one short story and two novellas to write/finish before I'm back to Snow White. But I'm getting there. I'll get a Stef and Tucker Mile High landing page up probably next weekend. I also plan on moving my Queen of Extreme and Queen of Disgusting posts out of the blog and onto the main site. They'll be easier to find. Haven't forgotten about my list of bizarro books either (I won't be calling myself the Queen of that, maybe Priestess or something lol). I've been very tired so I haven't kept a great eye on book sales this week. And due to author central not functioning properly I only know when Sparky the Spunky Robot has sold if someone shows me their copy. But it seems I haven't just been contacted about Sparky, Becoming is once again creeping up the charts in paperback and it looks so gorgeous (I will buy author copies before I start doing conventions again). And then, it seems you want to be grossed out with Broccoli (which is also available on godless if you want the e-book).
I am finishing off the last of my monthly releases now. I was going to try to do another Stupid Things Extreme for September, but I'm too exhausted (no, I don't have a diagnosis, there are some contenders that stick out more than others though). October, I will be back with my take on the three little pigs (you can purchase both The Midnight Pumpkin Fucker and The Snow Queen on godless for 99 cents each). Next week, Stef and Tucker Book Five Mile High is out on Saturday (only on godless, I'll hit publish on amazon when July's release comes out). As I know a few of you are waiting on paperbacks for my JEA releases I will be hitting publish on amazon either Thursday or Friday for Ketamine Addicted Pandas, Dark Roast, Reptile and The Previous Plastic Surgeon. All four are available in ebook form from godless now. Reptile had the dubious honour of being one of my Queen of Extreme books the other week (alongside Becoming). There really is something horrible on each and every page. Then I did Queen of Disgusting. I have been so focused on my bizarro and experimental stuff for so long, people forgot I wrote extreme (even though Becoming was experimental, the subject matter was very horrible and very extreme, the experimental prose-poetry nature of the book makes it a very intense read). I will do a bizarro post once the Stef and Tucker release is done so you can see a list of my bizarro books together. They are listed in release order over on the books section of this website, if you hover over the books page, you can click individual books on the list. And it looks like Unthinkable Tales 4 is free on amazon for now. I'm not sure how long. I did see my name alongside Clive Barker's when someone was talking about their most influential writers this week. I can't remember my story's title in Unthinkable Tales 4 but I do remember this one was very influenced by Clive Barker (as he's one of my own influential writers). As it is my birthday in a few weeks, if I get any birthday money, I will be putting it towards the supplies I need for my cut-ups project, which I'll be starting as soon as I finish October's release and my Scumbags 2 story. I can do that alongside finishing up Snow White, which I am really looking forward to doing. Snow White has been on my mind constantly these past few months. I look forward to concentrating on it and looking at it again with fresh eyes. I am going to get back to finishing Chester and Lester's Christmas in July Special now. Then I have a short story to type before I really involve myself in October's release (it'll be my take on the three little pigs). There will be a release for December as well, which will be like what I did in March with Tainted 07/The Human Connection, I just need to put it together (you see a bit of how Clive Barker influenced me in March's release as well, more so in The Human Connection than Tainted 07). Have a great week. Thank you for all the sales. If you haven't read Stef and Tucker yet, you can purchase paperbacks on amazon or you can get the e-books from godless (search Dani Brown, I'm still having tech problems). As I said already this morning, I can't link to godless because my computer is being difficult. I'm really easy to search on there, just go to godless.com and type Dani Brown into the "what the fuck are you looking for" search bar at the top of the screen and then hit enter.
I found out last weekend that people didn't realise that not only do I write extreme horror but brutal torture porn is where I found my first following. I know these days I'm more known for bizarro and weird stuff and whatever people what to class Stef and Tucker as (I usually go with erotic bizarro). I have released disgusting relatively recently as well, but from what I've heard, disgusting can also be considered extreme horror. So here goes, my disgusting releases: Honourable mention again to Stara for the baby parts stew bathing rituals. Another honourable mention to Sparky the Spunky Robot because the love Sparky is filled with is the semen of a failed popstar from the 1980s. First up is Broccoli. I released this (my first attempt at self-publishing) in October 2017 (my life was about to change, but I didn't know it then). And this book starts out with pimple popping and then there's the sea of vomit and diarrhoea. And it is all pretty horrible filled with body fluids. So many body fluids. Although it lacks cum. I couldn't figure out how to include cum while keeping it gender and sexuality neutral. That was probably one of my biggest writing challenges and I still haven't solved it. Why did it have to be neutral? Because it is written entirely in second person, so I had to picture You, which could be anybody. And in second place is Name Dropping with Hayden. I think it is the anal maggots and the way Hayden eats them that makes this so disgusting. Then there's all the necrophilia which is kinda squelchy as Ashleigh's body decomposes (supplying the anal maggots). I would have probably called this Anal Maggots from My Sex Toy if I just released it onto godless, but I didn't because it was long enough for a paperback and paperback treatment it did get. I will say, I was having tech difficulties when I did the cover and did have a big elaborate cover with maggots and mould planned out, but my drawing tablet just didn't want to obey and I also had to get Stef and Tucker 4: Secret ready for release that same week. And there you have it. If you made it through Becoming** and Reptile* last week and you've come back for more (and honourable mentions, Stara and Ketamine Addicted Pandas*). *Reptile and Ketamine Addicted Pandas are only available on godless right now. On the 25th, Stef and Tucker 5's release day I will hit publish on amazon and a few days later, you will be able to buy them in paperback. **Becoming is also available for kindle, but the kindle version lost the formatting. If how the words look on the page is important to you, buy the paperback. This is one of the few where genre fiction really meets my experimental writing, although Broccoli could also be either/or, the formatting in Broccoli isn't important like in Becoming. And thank you so much for the insane sales this past week! OMG! You guys, that was insane! I love it! And I hope you love or endure (in some cases) the books you bought. If you have the time, please leave a review and tell your friends. So from 15th May 2008 it seems that not even one month can pass where I have to explain to adults that FREELANCE WORK IS WORK!
As I mentioned in April, I was nearly evicted because someone decided to take their mental health issues out on me on social media. Very public. And social media was where the bulk of my work orders would come from. No one wants to hire someone who has relatives that are that emotionally unstable. I'm going to be paying off the debt that situation put me well into next year and possibly into 2024. As I have mentioned repeatedly from 15th May 2008, my mother would not allow me to leave my bedroom except to be in a relationship (which really does not allow for relationships with decent human beings). As I had handed in my degree the day before I had plans to freelance in my bedroom in secret so I could get away and have the life I want to live. I made this known to the fucking morons around me that this was my only goddamn option and to leave me alone because I was happy with it and as it is my life I don't have to live it for their approval. As I have mentioned repeatedly and anyone who doesn't have an extreme case of really fucking stupid could comprehend, I had no access to child care. It would have not been safe to leave my son home alone from the age of five (when douchebag teachers started also pressuring me to work in low skill low paid jobs when I had a perfectly good degree that would have allowed me to work from home, I had no one on my side) and there's probably child neglect laws against it (and if there isn't, there should be). As I have mentioned a few times in the past, it became evident in mid-2018 I have to take everyone without exception who decided not to allow me to work in the area in which I'm qualified to work or who would cause so much drama and argue with about work that I ended up sicker and unable to work to court. These are criminal charges, not civil and it is what is called an International Incident. This is so I can have a document I need back. And these fuckwits are going to have to explain their actions (and no, BPD/C-PTSD or a bad childhood, or their parents bad childhood, etc is not an excuse for their deplorable behaviour, there is no valid excuse). This applies to everyone over the age of criminality at the time of the incidents. As anyone who isn't a complete fucking moron can comprehend the world changes between generations, hence why different age groups gets classed as different generations (Silent, Boomer, X, Millennial, etc). That means that the nature of work changes. With a digitalised world, going to the office is no longer a strict necessity, especially if you have a child at home that you have sole responsibility for (or when I graduated, a mother that was driven insane and her identity erased to the extent she never recovered, therefore preventing me from having a traditional job). I was not just completely okay with this but excited. As anyone who isn't a complete moron understands there are bills in life such as rent and council tax and TV licenses and phone bills and food and clothing. Regardless of what certain news sources claim, these things are not paid for by the fucking government. I just follow the fucking rules so do not try and martyr me if you are from the opposite end of the political spectrum (I say opposite, there really isn't much difference between some of the fractions on the right and some on the left and unfortunately, it is these idiots that shout the fucking loudest). If you have restrictions that prevent you from working traditionally, in this digital space, you can get the same sort of work at home and make the same (or sometimes, more) money. Being flexible and happy in being able to do what I was able to do should have been respected. Obviously it wasn't. Without the freelance I was able to sneak in for the two years I had some, I wouldn't have my job now. People who can't adjust to changes do not make it in life. Systems and social structures that cannot adjust to changes also get overthrown. Being able to accept that I couldn't work traditionally but could freelance was a good thing as far as I was concerned. The emotionally unstable and intellectually challenged around me trying to force my square peg life into a round hole caused me so much stress that my body is broken (that is not love, that is abuse) and resulted in me having to go through the hassle of filing criminal charges on an international level (I need that fucking document to have my life back). I shouldn't have to live my life in secret or sneaking around. My son saw me working and he saw idiots causing drama and telling me to work something else that they approve of (again, my life is not for anyone's approval or disapproval, I am simply trying to survive). He took all this in. He experienced extreme negative impacts on his mental health from the poverty not allowing me to work in the means I had available to me from people claiming to love either me or him or both or the shite school system (I know a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse either have police officers or the clergy at the top of their red list flag of professions, but mine is teachers and school staff, I haven't had much problems with the police apart from their sheer uselessness and clergy is a different story for a different day - did I ever mention my mother's religion was converted from a sane one to something absolutely batshit crazy?). I don't ask for support. I don't feel anyone is entitled to support. But I do ask to be left alone to live my life. I do not need or care for anyone's approval. I know when I was freelancing that I was doing the right thing. If you don't like my work then mind your own goddamn business. I'm not doing anything wrong. The only difference between freelancing and working in the office, because I'm doing the same exact job is I get paid the same amount every month and can budget accordingly instead of maybe making as much as I make in a month in three days but then not knowing when I'd get work again. That's it. It is the same job. Same job title. I just work in an office. And because it is a full time job, I'm always on the same board topic so I can hone my knowledge in that area rather than jumping between fashion in the morning, electrical safety in the afternoon and medical at night (I fared rather well freelancing in medical writing at the beginning of the pandemic, epidemiology is just where my specialist medical knowledge is as well). It also allows me to have a schedule and separation between work and life. And I have work colleagues I can ask if I'm stuck on something. Sometimes, while freelancing, I was putting in 16 hour days for weeks on end. That's how intense it was at times. That's still work. But still, when I was freelancing I was fucking working! Jesus fucking Christ! Why can't people get that through their narcissistic heads!?! No wonder why my son asks sometimes daily when we can move to a non-English speaking country with new identities (this won't have any impact on my creative output, minus when we actually do the physical move as I'll need some time to do everything practical and in the long run, it'll benefit it because I will have a hell of a lot less stress). And what does this have to do with cut-ups? Well, the arguments with these people and people like them caused ALL my problems in life, going as far as to push away functional people leaving holes for further dysfunctional people (before the law changed, it could sometimes take months to get away from them and my personal safety was still at risk). What do you think I was doing for those ten years between May 2008 and late December 2017 (when the effects of the new coercion laws, or anti-narcissism laws as some people call them because we've been applying them to non-domestic and non-family relationships by stating "if this where a domestic relationship... before pointing out the offence to whomever the person is, in my case typically school officials)? I was honestly trying to freelance but these emotionally unstable, intellectually challenged idiots were claiming all my attention and leaving me so exhausted that I struggled to get out of bed, but I was still trying to work. As I posted previously, I will be doing cut-ups of mansplaining. In that same post, I did mention that I will be cutting up other triggers. Obviously, work is one of my biggest triggers. I've been pointing that out for years now. I don't care if you don't approval of me working, but do not take it out on me. If you do, you will be mixed in with a bunch of men explaining things to little women and creeps. I know the people who can't accept what I was doing was work all along want me angry. They want me easier to control and get wrapped up in their delusional world where I hang on their every word. They also want me on their level and just as miserable (and homeless evidently). But that's not going to happen. The laws have changed. Now, I just need to remember to order a Queen of Filth stamp. I was going to get it this month, but my son needed birthday presents (especially after that shitty Christmas and near eviction we had). As mentioned at the start of this post, I'm going to be paying back debt from when I lost the bulk of my freelance clients well into next year and possibly into the following year. I'm still on a very tight budget. So those stampers that cost about a tenner need to be accounted for. I don't get any grants or anything so I need to pay for everything myself.
People seem to forget I was first known for a certain extreme horror subgenre (torture porn). I see myself on lists for bizarro and weird, but never on extreme horror these days. Although I interact in groups, I never post. Last night, someone in Books of Horror on facebook asked for extreme horror recommendations. I saw other people recommending themselves, so I did likewise, mentioning that I'm not sure if people remember that I also write extreme (turns out I was right).
These are the two extreme books I have out right now (although honourable mentions to Stara and the baby guts stew and Ketamine Addicted Pandas where everything is extreme and horrible but every act is carried out by pandas down the k-hole, both are available on godless right now and Stara is also available on amazon). First up is Reptile. Ruth wakes up to a kicking in her stomach. Her father’s best kitchen knives are the best way to remove it. Things only get worse from there. Something disgusting, vile and violent on every page. It pretty much is the torture porn I was known for writing early on in my career. I think JEA first published Reptile in 2016. Next is Becoming. This one has more plot than Reptile but you have to read until the end to get it. This is the story of how Marcy died. Trapped in another whirlwind bad romance. He punched the wall and tried to change her name. I rarely recommend paperbacks but in this case, kindle lost the formatting which I feel is important but you can still get the story from the kindle version. Reptile. Only available on godless until later on in the month https://godless.com/.../products/reptile-by-dani-brown I did post about when I will republish the JEA books in paperback yesterday. Mark that in your calendar and follow me on social media if you want the paperbacks as I don't think there are any floating around in the wild any more (I know there aren't any of Ketamine Addicted Pandas as I was tagged in the post where that one was snatched up quickly). Becoming PB http://mybook.to/Becomingpaperback Becoming kindle http://mybook.to/Becomingkindle Next week, I might focus on the disgusting as some people do class that as extreme horror as well. That's if I have enough energy. I have a full work week next week and a trip to the salon. If you can't wait until I post about it, you are looking for Broccoli and Name Dropping with Hayden. Both are available in ebook form on godless (search Dani Brown) and amazon for the paperbacks, here's the link for Broccoli and for Name Dropping for Hayden. If you are getting the ebooks, get them from godless where they are cheaper. Then I will have to focus on Stef and Tucker Book Five Mile High (the first four are available on godless, where you can purchase the entire collection for less than $2). Thank you so much if you have already purchased Reptile or Becoming. It really means a lot. And thank you for sharing or posting any of my books on the Books of Horror threads. When I maintained my old blog I used to post about astrology as this is the random part of my website, I post what I want here. I honestly was hoping that with Mars moving into Aries I'd get an energy boost. Apparently not. Mercury turns direct on Friday (I think), maybe that'll help. If you're wondering why I'm into astrology when I was only into tarot in the before, I'll tell you (and you can read even if you don't want to know, because why not?). Way back in late December 2017/early January 2018, my life changed. This was just after the #metoo movement so I was able to finally say what I've wanted to say to people and tell them they could go fuck themselves and I'm not a goddamn social worker. It was great. I was finally able to put my life where I wanted to put it. However, the ten years of not being allowed to work, what I did work on getting sabotaged, being told what to do under the disguise of "help" (and god forbid I didn't accept the "help" that would only make my life worse as I pointed out every single step of the way) took their toll (beyond giving me a pretty intense case of PTSD with a shitty prognosis, meaning I'll never fully recover). Not only that, but one of the people concerned decided to take the already shattered pieces of my life and blow them into the proverbial wind. I didn't know where to start. I knew where I wanted to go. That didn't change in the ten years between handing in my degree and the sweet glorious freedom. But I didn't know where to start. Starting in February 2018 I used astrology to start picking up the pieces of my broken life. It was around the time I was starting to get back into tarot. This was strictly a writing related endeavour in the Before. The Before is any time prior to handing in my final degree project on 14th May 2008, when I thought with the degree I would finally be accepted as an adult and allowed to move on with my life and work, etc. Working and having financial independence was very important to me (and still is). From an early age my father wouldn't let me wear what I wanted and later in relationships I would end up with men that would argue about make-up, clothes, music or anything that makes me, me. So having my own money to buy my own things was just so important to me (and no arguments if I was paying for it, but men hate an independent woman). Obviously, I now recognise this as controlling and abusive (it was the cultural norm in America, less so here, but I'd always end up with men that would control and slowly erase me because that's what I was raised to believe love is, it isn't and it wasn't until post #metoo that I was finally able to phone the police on creeps so I could finally be relationship free to put my life where I wanted it because until it is where I want it, I'll only attract the same people I went through 8 fucking long years of education-hell to get away from, tbh, I'm not sure if when I'm where I want that I will want a relationship, I was always pretty repulsed by the idea growing up and still find people to be repulsive in the romantic and sexual sense). A bit off topic, but yesterday at work, I was talking to colleagues about how badly I wanted one of those princess prom dresses but never had one (all my gowns and evening wear fit the 'goth' description) because my father would buy my clothes for school dances. So you can see how much that continued to impact me until #metoo and some legal changes freed me. Even men that say they "look after their baby" well, they ain't paying the goddamn rent or letting "their baby" work in the field in which "their baby" spent eight gruelling years qualifying to work in. And it goes beyond clothes. I have to have a special mattress because of my pain levels. I wouldn't have been allowed to purchase that. Same with my trainers that I posted about when I bought them. It goes on and on and I don't want that in my life. The way not to have it is to work in the field I qualified in. (back on topic) So as I was starting to pick up projects where I left them in 2007-2008, I was using the tarot cards as I remembered that project. But the tarot card meanings always seemed to come with an astrology website. I would look up my daily horoscope for my sun sign and I started to apply it to my life. It gave me areas to work on and basically helped organise my shattered life pieces. And I'm still using it today, but I've advanced a bit further than my sun sign. I do find that scheduling my life by astrology helps me. It may not help me forever but while it is working I will continue to use it. Which brings us to Mars moving into Aries, which happened a few days ago. I am still absolutely exhausted. I'm hoping that once I get this debt I've been left with paid off I can afford to go private for testing. I'm getting pretty fed up of being passed between NHS departments. That and they won't pay for the Lyme Disease test which is one of the top possibilities. As no amount of astrology is going to diagnose and then treat whatever is causing the health issues (and no, positive thought won't either, I will do a long ranting post about positive thought when I find the energy). Mars in Aries is meant to be an energy boosting transit. We're approaching the longest day here in the Northern Hemisphere. All these things should boost my energy so I can do more than I have been. It is so frustrating. I worked hard for eight years at education from the lowest level (I think I've covered on here how my mother lied to the school, and the schools were really awkward about putting me on the right level, with the ever changing goal posts [more abuse right there] etc) then ten years of being forced through an ever-tightening spiral (fuck you to everyone that supports the policies and politicians that put these harmful policies under the disguise of "help" into place, they hurt the very people that you claim you're helping or try to martyr us, we're not martyrs, we just want to live our lives). I have my dream job that I worked hard to get. I have my writing career. My visual art is doing great when I have the energy for it. Dancing is going okay, I still don't have the space (but that'll be sorted hopefully within the next 18 months). Sound is getting there (when the space for dancing is sorted, I will purchase a synthesiser). The debt is slowly being repaid (I don't know if financial abuse is coming under the domestic violence laws yet, I haven't had the energy to keep up with it). So my life is where I want it (or where I wanted it to be heading in 2008, I lost ten years and it did take four years to get to here, two of those spent freelancing in the field in which I work in). I just don't have the energy to do anything beyond these things. Like even going to the cinema takes too much out of me. I know I'm not in my early twenties anymore and I won't take uppers and downers (there's a big problem with society right there, the reliance on uppers and downers to do shallow things you're being forced or coerced into doing and then further numb you). If I had been allowed to work after I handed in my degree assignment I was obviously going to go private for testing (NHS denied a lot of women testing and treatment prior to 2018 so now there's a massive backlog of women who don't have gynaecological or mental health problems to blame for their symptoms, and yes I did have these symptoms before developing PTSD). These things I'm doing now are stretching me past my limits. I didn't have much energy in 2008 but I thought because I was young that if I had been allowed to work, it would come (and with private testing to get to the root of my health problems). At least any remaining people that take their cluster b personality disorder out on me are held at grey rock level. And since I've been able to have a proper self-care routine, creeps leave me the fuck alone, even without posting daily selfies on social media (I'm hopefully getting my nails and eyebrows done today and yes that is part of my self-care routine). I know from 2018 and a bit in summer 2017 until the pandemic, I was at least able to enjoy live music when I could afford to do so. I don't see myself doing that again. But I have the memories. Including that time I went to London on the coach to see Skinny Puppy. The coach back wasn't until the next morning so I was out all night. I was too old for that then. I dread to think what that would do to me now. It was still fun though and 100% worth it. And now, with my energy levels being lower (although the pain management route I'm on works wonders without opioids at this point in time) I am so grateful I went to see Skinny Puppy and have that experience to smile about. Sorry about the blurry Skinny Puppy photo. It was taken before I started doing daily selfies and taking pictures of pigeons (both of which really improved my photography skills). And a meme I saw on facebook yesterday. I'll be back over the course of this long and glorious weekend to post the book stuff you lot really want, including a release date for Stef and Tucker 5 and information about when paperbacks of the JEA books I re-issued will be available. I haven't had the energy to think about Night of the Penguins (still available on audible) and 56 Seconds yet. |
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