There isn't really anything new to report on the state of my house. The front room can't be finished until the guttering is fixed. The guttering can't be fixed until the scaffolding is up. Scaffolding can't be put up until cars move. I have no idea who the cars belong to and there's a block of student housing on this street so they could belong to anyone. One of the cars has moved and my bins are in that spot to prevent another from parking there. However, one car still needs to move. And bin day is tomorrow morning, so my bins will be moved. Hopefully that scaffolding can go up tomorrow though and then the front room will maybe, hopefully be finished this week. I plan on getting the paint on Friday, but I guess it'll just sit in my front room until I'm ready for it. 

My son's room is meant to be finished on Thursday, so at least I can paint in there over Easter. 

The plaster is mainly dry now ^ By the way, you can paint over wet plaster- just water down the paint. And below the room of shame looks worse than usual. I plan on cleaning in there when everything is back in the front room. I don't have the money to re-do and therefore organise that room this year, but I will get there (hopefully next). I might be able to pick up some plastic drawers or a fishing tackle box for the circuit bending though and then keep the large items in the box they're in. I also use that table for painting (good light by the window). And the cats have a sleeping spot on the end of the table (which we obviously don't use for eating or entertaining guests). 

In terms of life and job hunting, I had a massive job application to finish filling in on Friday night. I had already been invited to the interview so I had to fill it in. Even if the directors of the company I'm at now didn't pull this anti-phone stunt, I would have applied for this job anyways. I set up job notifications in January. I obviously wasn't looking for a new job then, but I was looking to see what skills I need for when I can finally leave Liverpool. Still a few years away, my child is about to start GCSEs and we'll probably stay so he can have stability for A-levels. Then we can leave this city that has been so needlessly cruel to us (hopefully for a different country, but if I'm not at that stage yet, I've been told I can find peace and less interference in London). 

With all this work-related stress floating about, I've put We Gave the World Synthpop Dreams to the side. When I'm stressed, I struggle to write and make sense. I have some drawings to work on, both digital and with my pencils. These are vital skills that I wish I never lost. I'm also working on a splatterpunk story that is an easier write. It is called Scene Missing and I've been toying with the idea in my head for awhile now. When researching WGTWSD I've been looking at silent film era stars and I just thought it would be fun to write about lost scenes and films. 

And this stress is 100% work-related. Even with my housing situation, which started before the work crazy bullshit, I was pretty chill and happy. I was actually really excited about my house. 20 years ago, when Placebo released Sleeping with Ghosts, I dreamt of living in a decent house and supporting myself and always having food to eat and being able to come and go as I please without anyone shouting at me or telling me I'm a bad person for having a life outside of my bedroom and not worshipping the ground some abusive man-child walks on (seriously, my parents forced me to be in a relationship and I was expected to cater to the man-child's every needs without a consideration of what that would do to me, but in my father's beliefs women are responsible for the world's ills while only being half-people). 

Well, I'm finally getting that nice house. Yes, it is social housing and not my mortgage free fixer-upper. But it'll be somewhere nice to come back to when I have a bad day (which is every day since this phone thing at work). And as I said last week, because I'm down to the last two fixable problems from prior to the #metoo movement (the one that needs to be dealt with first, the debt, is on direct debits, so I only need to consider it in my budget and don't need to think about it), I am considering dating again. Obviously, I need a new job first and then need to settle into that. But although I've really enjoyed being able to fix my life in peace (except the creeps) and knew very-well that I would only attract more of the same if I tried dating before I sorted this stuff out, the plan never was to be alone forever. 

The work-related stress is making it so difficult to focus on all the good things, but at least I'm taking action and there's so much good going on at the same time. Especially with the house. I can't wait to start painting and cleaning. And at least I didn't spend the entire weekend this week a nervous, anxious wreck. I stick to my medical advice that I received while the #metoo movement was occurring and I was still trapped and it really does work, but with all things mental health related, there isn't a quick fix. 

I had a bit of a shock when this landed in my inbox the other day. But it did allow me to reflect on where I was when this album came out. Everything I have now seemed so far away (and further as Placebo released more albums while I was trapped in the ten years between graduation and #metoo). 

And now for this week's book sales appreciation. They've been all over the place this week. Plus my books are still on sale on godless. I will be having Drew change the prices back to normal next weekend. But wow, so many book sales and some reviews and it is just so appreciated, especially checking them during my lunchbreak:

• Ketamine Addicted Pandas kicked off the week. 
• Ghetto Super Skank was the star of the first part of the week. 
• Then Broccoli took over. By the way, if you want paperback, I've had to reprice and Lulu are absolute cunts about it even though they fucking made me do it with the cost of raw materials going up, so you can buy the paperback on Lulu or wait a few weeks for it to be back on amazon. You can usually get discount codes for Lulu with a quick Google search. The ebook is still on sale on godless. I do get more money from Lulu and godless sales. 
• The rest are so mixed but, Satan's Yeast Infection is still going strong. 
• Surprise movement from The Midnight Pumpkin Fucker along with The Snow Queen (they do go together, all my fairytales do, you'll see it pretty strongly in Snow White when I eventually finish that). And of course, the Prime Minister in 30-50 Feral Hogs Versus the Big Bad Unicorn likes to snort the Snow Queen's finest blow though the dick on his forehead. 
• 56 Seconds is slowly climbing the godless charts. Due to the prose-poetry and erotica without anything extreme or too horrible (DJ Donnie does piss re-animated flies though). 56 Seconds will be back in paperback and available in hardback for the first time ever, hopefully next weekend because it is five years to the day that I sent it to the publisher. 
• The Dog Dies at the End, despite being two Christmas stories is still selling. This is another one of my tamer books. I hope you are enjoying it. And no, you won't get attached to the two dogs. 
• And the week finished with Reptile. 

And thank you so much for reviewing. I am reading them and they are super appreciated. Over the years, I've struggled to get reviews. Then with German Dani Brown's books appearing on my goodreads it makes it worse (every time a librarian removes them, they reappear sometimes within hours, so I've given up). The reviews as well, help distract from the work-related stress when I can't tackle it head on by applying for new jobs. I will start sharing the reviews once I have some time. 

^want to stop that from happening? Together we can ban Marmite. Make Satan's Yeast Infection go viral. Buy it, review it, tell your friends. Did you know when Marmite peanut butter came out, it replaced Reese's Peanut Butter on the shelves. Now, it is difficult to purchase Reese's Peanut Butter but Marmite has spread yeasty Satanic goo into cheese, chocolate and crisps and even frozen vegetables can come coated in Satan's infection. 

I do have some notes for another Marmite story. Together, let's make this possible. Just say no to Marmite. It is a gateway to more vile Marmite products. I have to pay attention in the supermarket to make sure I'm not buying anything contaminated. 

And on that thought and two Placebo albums later, I'm going to make some lunch and get some writing or drawing in. I hope everyone is having a better time than I am lately. Is it Saturn moving into Pisces? This shit started while Saturn was on the move. Is it Pluto's temporary shift into Aquarius before retrograding back into Capricorn? I will be focusing my AI posts on astrology when I get a chance to work on them, but priorities: new job and re-decorating some of these rooms. 

I am trying so hard to be positive with what is going on at work as there's so much good going on in my life at the same time. I'm not one for toxic positivity though. I think I've blogged about that before (my ex was very into it). Positivity is about identifying the problem then finding the solution and working towards that.

I'm not being prevented from working towards the solution. That was a major problem in my past. My mother would deny the existence of the problem because fixing whatever it was would be too difficult and I should therefore, learn to suffer and do the bidding of whatever someone else's whims (often induced by their own mental health or personality disorder problems were) regardless of what damage it did to my own life or the potential danger. Then with my ex and the toxic positivity it was always, "you'll fix your problems" without letting me have the time needed to do so and he would then dump more problems on me. Some of those extra problems aren't ones with solutions, so I've needed to learn to live with them while he carries on with his life adored by all and I'm isolated. 

They're both gone. I can do what I want and I've been working towards the solution, which is obviously new employment unless a complete miracle happens and the new-found paranoid delusion induced office rules of no phone (and I'm not talking a phone in our bags so we can hear it or feel its vibrations if a problem occurs at school with my child, I'm talking locked away) are taken away. This situation has given me all the symptoms of a full-blown anxiety disorder. The physical symptoms kicked in on Monday and haven't left. I'm terrified that I'm going to be permanently signed off work because my body can't cope. I can't even afford to be temporarily signed off. 

With the phone, my son's school sends a text if he hasn't shown up at all that day. He's clumsy as fuck. Although he meets his friends at the halfway point, what happens if he breaks his leg before then? The text comes at around 1030, so that's already a few hours of him lying there with a broken bone. What happens if he has a panic attack during the course of the day? His friends have been good and he's learned coping techniques while still being on that waiting list. So, maybe that is less of an issue, but it is still an issue. Plus, we've had problems with some of his family members in the past. If he doesn't show up to school, I need to know because I might need to phone the police. Although that has been less of an issue since #metoo and the one particularly bad incident involved his father who is now dead. But the fact that these issues have occurred. The school is meant to phone me if he doesn't show up to his lessons, but they don't. I've asked them repeatedly to do so, but it never happens. My child isn't a little angel, but he isn't one to cut class. If he isn't showing up, there's something wrong. 

I think the worst part is, I loved my workplace until a few weeks ago. Like I love working in marketing and working towards where I wanted to be when I graduated. But as with all careers, there are good jobs and bad jobs. Mine was a good one. It was really good. A real positive and happy atmosphere. A great team. Yeah as with all office environments, there were some bad elements, maybe even pink flags. But they'd be identified and dealt with quickly. There weren't even any red flags, like there would be in a bad relationship. It was great. I have worked there just over a year. And although my body couldn't handle both full time work and having a life, I was happy. I was on track to have my life back after the ten years between graduation and #metoo. A bit broken and low on energy, but on track and happy. And that's what was important. I was even starting to think about whether I want to start dating again in the not-as-distant future. That's how well things were going for me. 

I meant to update my website yesterday but I ended up with one of those headaches I used to get in the past, prior to #metoo. At least it didn't include vomiting, but they are intense. So, I haven't added anymore to my AI pages (those are a labour of love anyways), I didn't get any work done on my novel and although I started a portfolio piece (because I doubt companies will hire me based on hentai and drug taking dragons), I didn't complete it. But I rested and that is equally as important. 

And as I said at the start of this post, there's some really good things happening in my life right now...

The most obvious good thing is my house. I'm finally going to have a decent place to live, even if it is social housing. After years of repairs that would only last a week or two, they're fixing everything! Unfortunately as the workers dig in, they find more problems. This is interfering a bit with Friday Night Story Time, but for the first time since I was a very young child, I'm going to have somewhere nice to live. 

​Here's where we're up to:
Day One: 

Day Two: 

I can't paint in there until all the work is complete. As the plasterer found more problems, they're coming back tomorrow. I hate working from home, but right now, that is so much better than going to the office. I probably won't be able to paint in there until payday. And that's great because I'm not worried about buying paint and putting things back as soon as possible now. 

And as the solution to the problem of having stuff piled up in every other room in my two up, two down can't occur for a few weeks yet, I'm not upset that there is stuff everywhere. Even disordered people should be able to see that there isn't much I can do about the stuff right now, so if they decide to make an appearance, they can't lie into me about that (these people almost always show up when things are going badly for me, it is like they feed on negativity and making things worse than they already are and creating chaos and more problems). 

And my house is going to be so nice. After living here for years, me and my son can put things right. Please note, I won't be tackling the room of shame this year. I'm hoping to next. 

Then, some more good news. Years ago, I "fixed" some nursery rhymes (at least in first draft format). With all the drama going on in my life until the me too movement, legal and social changes allowed me to escape, I never did anything with them (that's actually where my fairy tales come from too, although I still haven't sorted out my version of Rapunzel, which was the first one I did). A few months ago I saw a submission call that looked like the perfect place for them. I spent a few days cleaning them up and sent them in. I received the acceptance Friday night after I recorded my Story Time video. It was blind submissions as well, so I know my nursery rhymes made it in on their own merits. I'm so excited about this. 

Then Saturday saw the release of Satan's Yeast Infection as a standalone short story. It had been published in an anthology in the past. That story opened doors for me the first time around. This time around, it is already proving popular on social media. I've seen it posted about in a few groups and it is only Sunday. 

Not only has Satan's Yeast Infection been kicking some arse within 24 hours of release, I've been having some kick ass book sales lately and people have even been leaving reviews. The other week, it was all about Name Dropping With Hayden and Broccoli, this past week it has been 56 Seconds, 30-50 Feral Hogs, The Dog Dies at the End and Ghetto Super Skank. Thank you so much guys. It really means a lot, especially right now when it feels like the bad times again. 

I know the feelings of the bad times are the same as what I'm feeling right now with not having access to my phone, but when I can access my phone, there are messages there from my friends. I might be able to see my friends next month or in July as well. I know I can't always respond to the messages right away, but they're there. It isn't those fake friendships my ex tried to force me into at the cost of my actual friends (not really me, but the fictional version of me he created to help me connect with people, it made no sense, I already had friends and if you are struggling to connect with people you really shouldn't try to do it based on lies), but my real friends messaging me. And when I get a chance I can respond. 

My story, Hack the Future, is one of the best things I've written in a long time and that'll be published in an anthology in a few months. I'm really excited about that and I managed to write it while my worklife is falling apart. It involves the AI art generators, so my character is an artist. Apart from Marcy, my characters usually aren't artists. They're usually musicians, successful or otherwise (except Kord who is the biggest wannabe in the universe). When all of this clears up and I'm living in the solution, I will learn about the music AI so my characters can go back to their usual occupation. I know I don't typically write from life, but my doctors have encouraged me to try it sometimes to relieve the stress and anxiety so there probably will be more AI stories in the future. 

And I'm sure you don't care about this, but my sheets are currently in the wash. Clean sheets being one of my favourite things ever. It might be too difficult to get the floors mopped right now, but at least there will be clean sheets. And I haven't made it into Home Bargains to be seasonal scents for the cleaning products yet, but I ran out of bathroom cleaner. I have my favourite bathroom cleaner ever in a massive bottle because that's what ASDA had in stock. My bathroom is going to smell like Flash Bathroom for the first time in months. 

Even if it is just the little things, although a lot of huge things this week, that are good, I'm grateful for them. The feelings are the same as before, but the situation isn't as bad because my entire life isn't collapsing and there's an awful lot of good happening at the same time. 

I'm going to go use that bathroom cleaner and get some lunch. Maybe cuddle my cats. I might try to work on a story or my portfolio piece (or hentai, I'm going somewhere with the hentai, it just isn't appropriate for my portfolio). 

Thanks for everything, whether it is book sales, posting on social media about my books, leaving a review, letting my friends message me. I don't feel as alone as I did in the past when I was drowning beneath problems and toxicity and more problems being dumped on me daily. 

Hopefully I'll be back to my happy, cheerful, if tired self very soon. 

The front room is finally getting a new rising damp proof wall this week and that has created massive piles of stuff (mainly books) in every other room of my house. But I honestly can't wait to have a nice home to live in. I always wanted to live somewhere nice with nice decorations. Obviously, I wanted to buy a house and that was my intention when I moved to Liverpool then I could deal with any problems with it right away, but the people of Liverpool (much like my relatives) are not very nice and wouldn't leave me alone to work, so I ended up very poor and in a very bad situation. 

​It is going to be so nice to have a proper home for the first time in my life. 

Here's what the wall looks like: 

As you can see, that is a bit disgusting. Jerk Face went between helping and getting worried. He does not like change at all. And then next weekend (hopefully) I get to put everything back. I'm hoping the housing association are also going to paint. The weekend is only two days long and I won't have the time to both paint and put everything back. 

Here's Jerk Face helping:  

The front room isn't the only room being sorted out right now. The last day for internal work on my son's room seems to be the 30th. He has been very ill with trips to the walk in clinic and prescriptions all week. Each time we thought he was getting better, he was fine for a few hours and then suddenly took a bad turn so we were back at the walk in clinic. It was decided he either had one unidentified virus or he had one, it weakened his immune system and then let in a worse unidentified virus. I don't want to jinx anything because he seems to be better now, but after this past week, I don't trust his immune system, but he is showing excitement about his room finally being redone.

About six months after we moved into this house, it started raining in his bedroom. The housing association would send out the roofers. They'd patch it up as best as the housing association would allow, but then within a few weeks, it would be raining in my son's bedroom yet again. It never had the opportunity to dry out because this went on for fucking years. But the housing association have finally approved for the proper repairs to be carried out. That means it can dry out in there and he can finally have his bedroom redone. We moved in when he was around six and he's 13 now so he's a teenager with the damp bedroom of a six year old. 

And of course, he needs a new bed and new bedroom furniture. Provided I'm still in the same job, I do have some annual leave in April, so I'm hoping to sort out his bedroom, complete with new bed then. 

The room of shame is going to have to wait until next year. After everything I've been through my funds are very low and the room of shame is going to be the most expensive with needing custom built furniture. Unfortunately my woodwork skills are what is called completely non-existent so I can't do that myself and will need to commission some hipster to do it. Plus the furniture will need to be cat safe. A lot of things on rollers that close up aren't cat safe. At least I no longer need to consider small child and cat safe, but I don't want my cats to be crushed beneath furniture. I love my cats. They're the absolute best cats in the entire world. They even gift me big crunchy spiders and leave them on my pillows when they could have eaten those big crunchy spiders. 

Here's Jerk Face observing clearing the room: 

I mentioned whether I'm in the same job above. I'm obviously very actively looking for a new job. A new job, not a new career. Unfortunately, as much as I really enjoyed where I am working, that all changed a few weeks ago. 

I did apply for a job that is a bit outside my experience but wouldn't just be a step towards where I wanted to go with my life after graduating but a giant fucking leap in the right direction. So, fingers crossed they either have a slightly more junior position or are willing to take me on for that position but offer training.

Plus, there's some fashion marketing positions floating about, which is more my thing. Most of my fashion experience is in writing feature articles but without access to travelling (fashion week, etc), fashion writing in general is not within my reach beyond marketing positions (which is fine by me because advertising and marketing is why I fucking went to university). 

As I have stated repeatedly, I have to work in the field in which I qualified to work in. I did not spend three Hellish extra years living with my mother to not have the career that I went through that to have. Plus those ten years between graduating and the #metoo movement of waking up at 5AM to get stuff done while all the unstable douchebags were still asleep and then arguing with them during the day to back the fuck off me and stop telling me what to do, volunteer me for things I don't want to do, etc so I can do what I want to do. Not only that, but I'm under legal and medical advice to only work in the field I want to work in.

So fucking stop with the goddamn job and careers suggestions. I'm an adult. I've known what I've wanted out of life since my teens. Then my mother and the school fucked that up so I spent a very long time retraining in a different area. If I was to retrain in a different area again, that still wouldn't be good enough. So fuck off. I have to document each incident of people doing that and it is a pain in the arse. Really, just because you don't know what you want out of life or how to be happy and fulfilled, it doesn't mean we're all in that situation so stop projecting and turn you goddamn "help" on yourself. 

Unless you see a job in advertising or marketing, I will not apply for it. You are just creating problems for me when I have to deal with you instead of fucking sending my CV out. It is not helpful, it is harmful. And at this stage, I'm going to start phoning the police and reporting the people doing it for harassment. Crossing somebody's well established boundaries is not helpful behaviour regardless of how you try to frame it. It is quite fucking predatory and it only creates stress and problems and leaves me vulnerable to further sexual harassment with creeps trying to play the goddamn hero. I've danced that dance before, quite a lot of those years between graduating and #metoo. 

Obviously with a sick child, two rooms in my house being sorted out, finishing a short story, writing another, working on We Gave the World Synthpop Dreams and applying for jobs, I haven't added another page to my Google and AI pages. I will get around to it. I was going to do it on my day off, but I was at the walk in clinic with my child once again. I was also going to have a note of this extra stress put on my medical records that day, but walk in clinic sick child. 

I also skipped Story Time this week and probably will next week as well. Then, now that my son is hopefully better, he keeps asking for everything all at once. And I have to keep explaining to him that it isn't fucking possible. And yes, that sucks, but I am doing the best I can to fix things and make them the way they should have been from the time before he was born. 

And on that thought, I'm going to go work on one of my projects. As I've said before, I shouldn't have to share everything I am working on. Just always assume that I am working on something, dealing with my house or recharging for the next project. I am never bored. I always have plenty to do and I need time for rest. So don't project your goddamn writer's block or boredom or loneliness or whatever onto me. I have had enough of dealing with that as well, especially while I have so much going on in my life right now. 

Here's one of the numerous piles of books scattered around my house: 

I doubt I'm the only one that doesn't want to return to work tomorrow. I love working in marketing. It is a step towards the direction I want to go in, but ever since there was a knee-jerk reaction to a problem that doesn't fucking exist, I've been dreading going to work. I don't like putting myself at risk nor do I appreciate the child endangerment issues. I am taking steps to make this better. And obviously, I am under medical and legal advice to not even entertain someone else's knee jerk reaction to problems that just aren't real. It is too stressful and creates too many problems. Nor am I social worker or doctor. 

​I have started webpages about the AI generators and how google works. It'll be a slow project to relieve my PTSD. And there's a lot of information there that I take for granted in instinctively knowing after working in marketing for a few years. The AI information is new, so I also have to take that in. Although I have suffered some cognitive issues due to conflicting feedback recently, so it'll probably be good for me to go through all of Google's policies anyways. Hopefully, if you've lost your job to the AI generators, reading what I write about them might help you secure fresh work. 

I did manage to finish a draft of Hack the Future, which is the short story I've been working on. I have a day and a half of annual leave this week for parents' evening (I get too tired to be out in the evening and make it to work the next day, unfortunately, that is one of the effects of those ten additional years between graduation and the #metoo movement where I wasn't allowed to simply get on with my life and it is unlikely to improve). So I will probably use some of that to go through it, make sure it is effective etc before I send it in. If you saw my social media before someone else's problem (which isn't real) created a bunch of real problems for me, I was complaining about the Word for Mac dictionary re-setting to USA English so one of my friends has to copy and paste that into a new file for me. 

Although I also have to finish emptying the front room this week. I have started. My child has been really unwell this week so I didn't get it all done. The wall with the rising damp is being knocked down on the 15th and a new one going up the next day. I am really excited. I've wanted to live in a nice home my entire life. Obviously, this is rented social housing and it was my intention to buy a house when I moved to Liverpool, but the pieces of shit (particularly my son's old school and the sex crime committing teachers and former teachers, plus when my son's father was alive, that was a lot of arguing) weren't letting me take the steps necessary to get my life to that point. But, it is a step towards at least having somewhere nice to live that isn't embarrassing for either me or my son. There's finally been proper work done on the roof too, so my son can finally have the bedroom of a teenager. We've been unable to redecorate that room due to it raining in there. 

My front room being redecorated after the new apparently damp-proof wall may mess with the Friday Night Story Time schedule over the upcoming weeks. If I do put up a video, it'll be one of my stories. Don't expect proper lights or a background right away or editing either. Those will come in due course. I'm only one human being and can only do so much each day. 

Here's Jerk Face helping to temporarily pack away anthologies I've appeared in and books I've written. This obviously isn't all of them but, apart from Call Me Hoop and a first printing of 56 Seconds (with a typo on the title page) it is what I have. 

To help me get to where I want to be in life I've obviously been relearning my lost art skills over the past few years. I have two secret projects I'm working on, but I am also updating some of my worst book covers. I started with Ghetto Super Skank as that is one of my best books but has the worst cover. Amazon should update it within 72 hours. Then because the cover is improved, I'm going to promote the fuck outta that. It probably won't be the only time I update that cover, but it is updated now with the skills I have compared to two years ago. 

I will not be updating the plain and simple covers that I put on books that have been published in the past. Unless I have extensively updated the content, if you already have one copy of the book, you aren't getting anything new. Ketamine Addicted Pandas has the panda cubs short story in it. And that's about it. The books do get fancy new intros but these rarely exceed a few paragraphs. I'll let people know if the content is updated. The plain covers just allow long time readers to know they already have the title at a glance. It makes everyone's life easier. 

And finally, thank you so much for purchasing books and leaving reviews. I see the reviews. I know they are there, but I am a bit busy (especially dealing with problems that shouldn't even fucking exist) so I haven't been able to save them yet. Best sellers these past few weeks include Name Dropping with Hayden, Broccoli, The Previous Plastic Surgeon and 56 Seconds. And 30-50 Feral Hogs versus the Big Bad Unicorn (which finally has one lonely review). 
​56 Seconds will be back on amazon at the end of the month for its 5th birthday. 
Thank you so much for picking these up. I will do a proper thank you post when things calm down and I get a chance.  

And on that thought, it is time to start to get ready for the week. I really don't want to. I hope everyone reading this is having a better time than I am right now. 

Over the weekend, I had to post some new ground rules for social media and why these are now in place. It in response to a knee-jerk reaction to AI from my employer. I had to do immediate damage control because of what this could do to my life (child endangerment being the most severe consequence of these new office rules, plus you know threats to my safety and mental health, but the child endangerment element had to be dealt with first).

When I posted that I hadn't looked into what Google's actual policy regarding AI is. I have now. Google does not blacklist AI generated content is the short version of it.

So, right now I am dealing with the consequences of someone else's knee-jerk reaction to a problem that doesn't actually exist. I'm obviously under medical and legal advice to not deal with stuff like that as I'm not a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist. It isn't my job. Although I have training to recognise when someone displays symptoms of a cluster b personality disorder, I am not allowed to diagnose or treat because that training is for my personal protection and nothing else. 

I've danced this dance before. Maybe not with AI and employers but I've done the dance where it has been demanded of me that I cater to whatever the whim is regardless of what damage it can or will do in my life. I've done it a lot. I had a lifetime of my mother slowly loosing touch with reality to have to do this. And it never stopped with my mother. It didn't stop until the law changed. Dealing with the fallout of someone else's knee-jerk reactions to a problem that isn't real defined those ten years between graduating and the #metoo movement and caused all of my problems. And when I say all of them, it is the root cause of all of them. Being trapped between knee-jerk Daily Mail readers and knee-jerk Guardian readers (really, the same things are said in both papers, just in a different way) and a system that is built to cater to these two audiences meant there was no help to get out of it. Any help gave me new problems that needed immediate attention without resolving the old problem so it became worse. Then the laws changed and society "woke" a little bit. And I wasn't facing as much discrimination and not being allowed to make my own decisions as I was before. Because people were kinder, more understanding and more accepting of the fact that I know my life and situation much better than anyone else ever could. 

Until last week. Last week left me trapped between two choices, both of which were (and remain) as equally bad.

In addition to that, I have to finish a short story. It was going very well until this bullshit and the fallout it has created. Yes, this situation has triggered a PTSD response. I have PTSD. It isn't going away. It is permanent. When my PTSD is triggered, I struggle with some pretty basic functioning, especially with memory. (I have to write everything down as it is.) And also being able to put my thoughts into coherent sentences when it is triggered (some of the word vomit I spew when I'm trying to write with it triggered will down rank webpages on google - it is unlikely the website would be permanently blacklisted from it). 

Basically, not good when you are trying to finish a short story. Now, I am going to try to see the doctor in the unlikely event they'll do something about it (usually in these situations, the response I get is there is nothing we can do for you because the problems are not of your creation). 

But to help put my thoughts into order so I can finish my story, I am going to be posting about AI. This will mainly focus on text. I won't be able to actually use the AI for myself until I a) secure new employment b) my employer come to their senses or c) I am signed off work (most likely permanently). I'll explain how it works. How google works, etc. 

For some of you who lost your jobs due to being replaced by AI, maybe it'll help you get them back. And some of you may find it interesting. Right now, it'll just focus on the basics but once I have the solution to these new problems and some time, perhaps I'll start looking at the creepier side of AI (like the xenobots and Sydney) for all you horror fans. And it seems better than spewing it all over my facebook page (which has been attracting trolls and people just being cunts, despite it being pretty obviously that they might face potential charges, when I say everything must be documented, I mean everything must be documented, this has been ongoing since mid-2018 and prior to that, to try to escape out of the bad time, I was going to take certain people through the civil courts in hopes that the criminal courts would pick it up, as sometimes happened before the legal changes). 

My story is ironically enough about AI. It mainly focuses on art generators. Hopefully all of this will help relieve my symptoms so I can concentrate on my story.

Obviously, I now have daily filing to do for my impending solving this last problem from the Before. Good thing I bought the big diary this year (I have to document everything that affects my ability to work both now and in the future). Things had been going so well for a while now. Most days, I just documented "uneventful". Those are the days I like best. 

In conclusion, my website is going to get a bit techy (once I can use the AI for myself, I'll set out a separate website, probably focusing on astrology and astronomy*, to demonstrate how it works and why google won't be blacklisting it, how google blacklists stuff, etc, it'll be fun). I also need to dust off and update my CV. But first, I need to clear the front room for workmen coming in the middle of the month to finally tear down the rising damp wall and replace it with something that apparently won't get damp. I am so excited about finally getting a home that will be habitable after all these years in here and complaints and repairs that just came undone within the first two weeks. Plus I need to finish my short story. Unfortunately, google ranking and the youtube algorithm are two different things. 

*I picked these two because astrology is subjective and the AI doesn't need to be accurate for an astrology post to work. Astronomy, however, is science and it is google searchable to prove how the AI would get facts wrong when using it. As I have no intentions of ever working in either and people often confuse the two, I thought they'd work beautifully when demonstrating AI versus what actually can down rank your google ranking.