So from 15th May 2008 it seems that not even one month can pass where I have to explain to adults that FREELANCE WORK IS WORK!
As I mentioned in April, I was nearly evicted because someone decided to take their mental health issues out on me on social media. Very public. And social media was where the bulk of my work orders would come from. No one wants to hire someone who has relatives that are that emotionally unstable. I'm going to be paying off the debt that situation put me well into next year and possibly into 2024.
As I have mentioned repeatedly from 15th May 2008, my mother would not allow me to leave my bedroom except to be in a relationship (which really does not allow for relationships with decent human beings). As I had handed in my degree the day before I had plans to freelance in my bedroom in secret so I could get away and have the life I want to live. I made this known to the fucking morons around me that this was my only goddamn option and to leave me alone because I was happy with it and as it is my life I don't have to live it for their approval.
As I have mentioned repeatedly and anyone who doesn't have an extreme case of really fucking stupid could comprehend, I had no access to child care. It would have not been safe to leave my son home alone from the age of five (when douchebag teachers started also pressuring me to work in low skill low paid jobs when I had a perfectly good degree that would have allowed me to work from home, I had no one on my side) and there's probably child neglect laws against it (and if there isn't, there should be).
As I have mentioned a few times in the past, it became evident in mid-2018 I have to take everyone without exception who decided not to allow me to work in the area in which I'm qualified to work or who would cause so much drama and argue with about work that I ended up sicker and unable to work to court. These are criminal charges, not civil and it is what is called an International Incident. This is so I can have a document I need back. And these fuckwits are going to have to explain their actions (and no, BPD/C-PTSD or a bad childhood, or their parents bad childhood, etc is not an excuse for their deplorable behaviour, there is no valid excuse). This applies to everyone over the age of criminality at the time of the incidents.
As anyone who isn't a complete fucking moron can comprehend the world changes between generations, hence why different age groups gets classed as different generations (Silent, Boomer, X, Millennial, etc). That means that the nature of work changes. With a digitalised world, going to the office is no longer a strict necessity, especially if you have a child at home that you have sole responsibility for (or when I graduated, a mother that was driven insane and her identity erased to the extent she never recovered, therefore preventing me from having a traditional job). I was not just completely okay with this but excited.
As anyone who isn't a complete moron understands there are bills in life such as rent and council tax and TV licenses and phone bills and food and clothing. Regardless of what certain news sources claim, these things are not paid for by the fucking government. I just follow the fucking rules so do not try and martyr me if you are from the opposite end of the political spectrum (I say opposite, there really isn't much difference between some of the fractions on the right and some on the left and unfortunately, it is these idiots that shout the fucking loudest). If you have restrictions that prevent you from working traditionally, in this digital space, you can get the same sort of work at home and make the same (or sometimes, more) money.
Being flexible and happy in being able to do what I was able to do should have been respected. Obviously it wasn't. Without the freelance I was able to sneak in for the two years I had some, I wouldn't have my job now. People who can't adjust to changes do not make it in life. Systems and social structures that cannot adjust to changes also get overthrown. Being able to accept that I couldn't work traditionally but could freelance was a good thing as far as I was concerned. The emotionally unstable and intellectually challenged around me trying to force my square peg life into a round hole caused me so much stress that my body is broken (that is not love, that is abuse) and resulted in me having to go through the hassle of filing criminal charges on an international level (I need that fucking document to have my life back).
I shouldn't have to live my life in secret or sneaking around. My son saw me working and he saw idiots causing drama and telling me to work something else that they approve of (again, my life is not for anyone's approval or disapproval, I am simply trying to survive). He took all this in. He experienced extreme negative impacts on his mental health from the poverty not allowing me to work in the means I had available to me from people claiming to love either me or him or both or the shite school system (I know a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse either have police officers or the clergy at the top of their red list flag of professions, but mine is teachers and school staff, I haven't had much problems with the police apart from their sheer uselessness and clergy is a different story for a different day - did I ever mention my mother's religion was converted from a sane one to something absolutely batshit crazy?).
I don't ask for support. I don't feel anyone is entitled to support. But I do ask to be left alone to live my life. I do not need or care for anyone's approval. I know when I was freelancing that I was doing the right thing. If you don't like my work then mind your own goddamn business. I'm not doing anything wrong.
The only difference between freelancing and working in the office, because I'm doing the same exact job is I get paid the same amount every month and can budget accordingly instead of maybe making as much as I make in a month in three days but then not knowing when I'd get work again. That's it. It is the same job. Same job title. I just work in an office. And because it is a full time job, I'm always on the same board topic so I can hone my knowledge in that area rather than jumping between fashion in the morning, electrical safety in the afternoon and medical at night (I fared rather well freelancing in medical writing at the beginning of the pandemic, epidemiology is just where my specialist medical knowledge is as well). It also allows me to have a schedule and separation between work and life. And I have work colleagues I can ask if I'm stuck on something. Sometimes, while freelancing, I was putting in 16 hour days for weeks on end. That's how intense it was at times. That's still work.
But still, when I was freelancing I was fucking working! Jesus fucking Christ! Why can't people get that through their narcissistic heads!?! No wonder why my son asks sometimes daily when we can move to a non-English speaking country with new identities (this won't have any impact on my creative output, minus when we actually do the physical move as I'll need some time to do everything practical and in the long run, it'll benefit it because I will have a hell of a lot less stress).
And what does this have to do with cut-ups? Well, the arguments with these people and people like them caused ALL my problems in life, going as far as to push away functional people leaving holes for further dysfunctional people (before the law changed, it could sometimes take months to get away from them and my personal safety was still at risk). What do you think I was doing for those ten years between May 2008 and late December 2017 (when the effects of the new coercion laws, or anti-narcissism laws as some people call them because we've been applying them to non-domestic and non-family relationships by stating "if this where a domestic relationship... before pointing out the offence to whomever the person is, in my case typically school officials)? I was honestly trying to freelance but these emotionally unstable, intellectually challenged idiots were claiming all my attention and leaving me so exhausted that I struggled to get out of bed, but I was still trying to work.
As I posted previously, I will be doing cut-ups of mansplaining. In that same post, I did mention that I will be cutting up other triggers. Obviously, work is one of my biggest triggers. I've been pointing that out for years now. I don't care if you don't approval of me working, but do not take it out on me. If you do, you will be mixed in with a bunch of men explaining things to little women and creeps.
I know the people who can't accept what I was doing was work all along want me angry. They want me easier to control and get wrapped up in their delusional world where I hang on their every word. They also want me on their level and just as miserable (and homeless evidently). But that's not going to happen. The laws have changed.
Now, I just need to remember to order a Queen of Filth stamp. I was going to get it this month, but my son needed birthday presents (especially after that shitty Christmas and near eviction we had). As mentioned at the start of this post, I'm going to be paying back debt from when I lost the bulk of my freelance clients well into next year and possibly into the following year. I'm still on a very tight budget. So those stampers that cost about a tenner need to be accounted for. I don't get any grants or anything so I need to pay for everything myself.
As I mentioned in April, I was nearly evicted because someone decided to take their mental health issues out on me on social media. Very public. And social media was where the bulk of my work orders would come from. No one wants to hire someone who has relatives that are that emotionally unstable. I'm going to be paying off the debt that situation put me well into next year and possibly into 2024.
As I have mentioned repeatedly from 15th May 2008, my mother would not allow me to leave my bedroom except to be in a relationship (which really does not allow for relationships with decent human beings). As I had handed in my degree the day before I had plans to freelance in my bedroom in secret so I could get away and have the life I want to live. I made this known to the fucking morons around me that this was my only goddamn option and to leave me alone because I was happy with it and as it is my life I don't have to live it for their approval.
As I have mentioned repeatedly and anyone who doesn't have an extreme case of really fucking stupid could comprehend, I had no access to child care. It would have not been safe to leave my son home alone from the age of five (when douchebag teachers started also pressuring me to work in low skill low paid jobs when I had a perfectly good degree that would have allowed me to work from home, I had no one on my side) and there's probably child neglect laws against it (and if there isn't, there should be).
As I have mentioned a few times in the past, it became evident in mid-2018 I have to take everyone without exception who decided not to allow me to work in the area in which I'm qualified to work or who would cause so much drama and argue with about work that I ended up sicker and unable to work to court. These are criminal charges, not civil and it is what is called an International Incident. This is so I can have a document I need back. And these fuckwits are going to have to explain their actions (and no, BPD/C-PTSD or a bad childhood, or their parents bad childhood, etc is not an excuse for their deplorable behaviour, there is no valid excuse). This applies to everyone over the age of criminality at the time of the incidents.
As anyone who isn't a complete fucking moron can comprehend the world changes between generations, hence why different age groups gets classed as different generations (Silent, Boomer, X, Millennial, etc). That means that the nature of work changes. With a digitalised world, going to the office is no longer a strict necessity, especially if you have a child at home that you have sole responsibility for (or when I graduated, a mother that was driven insane and her identity erased to the extent she never recovered, therefore preventing me from having a traditional job). I was not just completely okay with this but excited.
As anyone who isn't a complete moron understands there are bills in life such as rent and council tax and TV licenses and phone bills and food and clothing. Regardless of what certain news sources claim, these things are not paid for by the fucking government. I just follow the fucking rules so do not try and martyr me if you are from the opposite end of the political spectrum (I say opposite, there really isn't much difference between some of the fractions on the right and some on the left and unfortunately, it is these idiots that shout the fucking loudest). If you have restrictions that prevent you from working traditionally, in this digital space, you can get the same sort of work at home and make the same (or sometimes, more) money.
Being flexible and happy in being able to do what I was able to do should have been respected. Obviously it wasn't. Without the freelance I was able to sneak in for the two years I had some, I wouldn't have my job now. People who can't adjust to changes do not make it in life. Systems and social structures that cannot adjust to changes also get overthrown. Being able to accept that I couldn't work traditionally but could freelance was a good thing as far as I was concerned. The emotionally unstable and intellectually challenged around me trying to force my square peg life into a round hole caused me so much stress that my body is broken (that is not love, that is abuse) and resulted in me having to go through the hassle of filing criminal charges on an international level (I need that fucking document to have my life back).
I shouldn't have to live my life in secret or sneaking around. My son saw me working and he saw idiots causing drama and telling me to work something else that they approve of (again, my life is not for anyone's approval or disapproval, I am simply trying to survive). He took all this in. He experienced extreme negative impacts on his mental health from the poverty not allowing me to work in the means I had available to me from people claiming to love either me or him or both or the shite school system (I know a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse either have police officers or the clergy at the top of their red list flag of professions, but mine is teachers and school staff, I haven't had much problems with the police apart from their sheer uselessness and clergy is a different story for a different day - did I ever mention my mother's religion was converted from a sane one to something absolutely batshit crazy?).
I don't ask for support. I don't feel anyone is entitled to support. But I do ask to be left alone to live my life. I do not need or care for anyone's approval. I know when I was freelancing that I was doing the right thing. If you don't like my work then mind your own goddamn business. I'm not doing anything wrong.
The only difference between freelancing and working in the office, because I'm doing the same exact job is I get paid the same amount every month and can budget accordingly instead of maybe making as much as I make in a month in three days but then not knowing when I'd get work again. That's it. It is the same job. Same job title. I just work in an office. And because it is a full time job, I'm always on the same board topic so I can hone my knowledge in that area rather than jumping between fashion in the morning, electrical safety in the afternoon and medical at night (I fared rather well freelancing in medical writing at the beginning of the pandemic, epidemiology is just where my specialist medical knowledge is as well). It also allows me to have a schedule and separation between work and life. And I have work colleagues I can ask if I'm stuck on something. Sometimes, while freelancing, I was putting in 16 hour days for weeks on end. That's how intense it was at times. That's still work.
But still, when I was freelancing I was fucking working! Jesus fucking Christ! Why can't people get that through their narcissistic heads!?! No wonder why my son asks sometimes daily when we can move to a non-English speaking country with new identities (this won't have any impact on my creative output, minus when we actually do the physical move as I'll need some time to do everything practical and in the long run, it'll benefit it because I will have a hell of a lot less stress).
And what does this have to do with cut-ups? Well, the arguments with these people and people like them caused ALL my problems in life, going as far as to push away functional people leaving holes for further dysfunctional people (before the law changed, it could sometimes take months to get away from them and my personal safety was still at risk). What do you think I was doing for those ten years between May 2008 and late December 2017 (when the effects of the new coercion laws, or anti-narcissism laws as some people call them because we've been applying them to non-domestic and non-family relationships by stating "if this where a domestic relationship... before pointing out the offence to whomever the person is, in my case typically school officials)? I was honestly trying to freelance but these emotionally unstable, intellectually challenged idiots were claiming all my attention and leaving me so exhausted that I struggled to get out of bed, but I was still trying to work.
As I posted previously, I will be doing cut-ups of mansplaining. In that same post, I did mention that I will be cutting up other triggers. Obviously, work is one of my biggest triggers. I've been pointing that out for years now. I don't care if you don't approval of me working, but do not take it out on me. If you do, you will be mixed in with a bunch of men explaining things to little women and creeps.
I know the people who can't accept what I was doing was work all along want me angry. They want me easier to control and get wrapped up in their delusional world where I hang on their every word. They also want me on their level and just as miserable (and homeless evidently). But that's not going to happen. The laws have changed.
Now, I just need to remember to order a Queen of Filth stamp. I was going to get it this month, but my son needed birthday presents (especially after that shitty Christmas and near eviction we had). As mentioned at the start of this post, I'm going to be paying back debt from when I lost the bulk of my freelance clients well into next year and possibly into the following year. I'm still on a very tight budget. So those stampers that cost about a tenner need to be accounted for. I don't get any grants or anything so I need to pay for everything myself.