Oops I Shitted Again
Flying saucers don’t have flushing toilets. They should do. After a good anal probing, a virgin arse often needs to take a dump (assuming it doesn’t whist on the metal table). Yeah, they really should have flushing toilets.
Greys need to be a lot more considerate of who they’re kidnapping. Sometimes in the deep of the night, they’d abduct someone who wasn’t an anal virgin. Yeah they would. Their probes wouldn’t need any lubrication. They would glide in without resistance.
Cows didn’t need flushing toilets. They’d crap anywhere. So would this girl. Anal seepage was an understatement. She declared she drank some habanero sauce prior to collapsing into bed with her fist up her arse buried to her wrist. Getting lost in her butt was a common occurrence.
Her complaint with the greys involved the probe not being wide enough. They understood her perfectly well. Disgust was something they communicated via telepathy and not facial expressions. Greys weren’t one for facial expressions even, with their arms up the backside of cows.
All that anal play, once the wrist and fist were, removed resulted in a fountain of liquid shit. Habanero sauce was not a drink. They had the words to explain it to her along with illustrations on a flip chart but she ignored it.
She asked for their fist. She wasn’t in love but she needed to feel it deep, even after it had been up a cow’s butt. She knew Greys had skinny arms but hands that big could roll into a large tight fist. She didn’t care. There was a little surprise up there waiting in her colon. The saucer travelled at the speed of light on its way to the highway out of the Milky Way.
The woman didn’t care. Her diarrhoea could save humanity and humanity’s cows. Yeah it could. She showed them how it was done by fisting her own arse. She couldn’t feel it so she shoved another fist up her vagina and pushed back.
Greys were capable of vomiting. They did so. The one with its arm up the backside of a cow too. Projectile puke hit the cow’s legs and it kicked as the flying saucer sped towards another galaxy.
Blondie wasn’t the only human in the examination room. Puke and shit flew about, defying the gravity machine, and landed on one guy, waking him up. His anus was virginal. He might have played with small rubber butt plugs but that didn’t count. They were no larger than his doctor’s fingers. Face down, arse in the air, something was up it. He wanted to shit. He tried to clench. That made it worse.
Blondie was just leaking. How embarrassing. He was embarrassed for her - more so for her than himself, despite his current predicament. The Greys had to stop on a planet another galaxy away before they could return home, show these people off and drop them back in their beds and the cows in the field. They weren’t the ones responsible for mutilating cows - that was the Reptilian Shapeshifters - but they got the blame for it.
However, Blondie’s explosive habanero diarrhoea was corrosive. Landing on the cows, it burnt their hides. This was the first time the Greys had ever been responsible for mutilated cows. Fisting didn’t count. It didn’t cause any more damage than an Earth vet finding out if the creature was pregnant.
They had no need of flushing toilets. They didn’t understand why Earth creatures couldn’t just relieve themselves by tearing a hole in the fabric of reality and shitting and pissing into another dimension like creatures from every other planet in the universe. It wasn’t that difficult. No special skill was needed and they could do it while carrying on a conversation without anyone noticing. It was more dignified.
Diarrhoea was apparently a natural lubricant. Blondie’s singing woke up another human - a nun with her arse on display. The church would not approve of her anal bruising. She jolted the probe telling Blondie to shut up.
Diarrhoea and vomit got into the gravity machine and short-circuited it. The cows were floating with Greys’ arms up their arseholes. Gravity was needed to pull their arms out. Telepathic sighs were nearly visible on the air in the flying saucer. Luckily, the lack of gravity only affected the anal probe room. The rest of the flying saucer still had gravity and could be navigated to the next galaxy. That didn’t spare the driver and engineer from knowing what was happening down there. They picked up on the telepathic signals as well. They also got a good splattering of Blondie’s thoughts on anal play. They would have to more careful with whom they abducted in future.
Her gaping arsehole was in danger of swallowing everything in the experimental anal probe room. It already swallowed a cow’s head and was working its way down the body. A Grey was still attached via the cow’s arsehole. He sweated. He could feel a baby kick inside the cow trying to be born before Blondie’s arsehole could swallow that as well. The cow shitted all over his arm with so much force and the lack of gravity, he received a mouthful of that as well. Tasted like Earth grass and antibiotics.
Blondie’s gaping arsehole couldn’t get enough of the cow. It was like a black hole in the flying saucer. The cow’s baby was gone up Blondie’s arsehole. The Grey could feel the gaping arsehole on his fingertips. Through telepathy, the rest of the Greys could feel it too. It made steering the flying saucer rather difficult.
The Grey was gone up to his elbow. To the other Greys in telepathic range - which included a lot of other flying saucers due to being on a busy highway out of the Milky Way - it felt like sheer burning. The flying saucers crashed into each other.
Other species didn’t have the telepathic frequencies of the Greys. They had no idea what was happening. However, swearing in thousands of different languages in thousands of different frequencies, both verbal and telepathic, was heard in Grey saucers throughout several galaxies.
The cops were on their way. Meanwhile, Blondie’s gaping arsehole swallowed the Grey with his fist in the cow. It still wasn’t satisfied - Blondie wasn’t that innocent. The nun tutted in disgust. She wasn’t innocent either but there was a world of difference between masturbating with a wooden crucifix and returning it slimy with vaginal sludge to the wall it hung from ready for communion, and gaping arseholes leaking diarrhoea (all the lubrication it needed) swallowing everything.
With the gravity device broken, Blondie’s arse went for the next biggest object – another cow with a Grey performing a rectal exam. The Greys let out a collective telepathic sigh.
The cops on their way didn’t notice – they weren’t Greys. They were Reptilian Shapeshifters with massive sticks up their arses the size of logs. The flying saucer that was causing the spaceship crashes that were backing up the highway was in range of their viewing scope and their disintegrating giant laser beam. That fucker could destroy a planet. They turned down the energy. They only wanted to destroy the flying saucer causing the crashes.
The driver and engineer were drunk and jumped to conclusions without finding out what the problem was. Reptilian Shapeshifters were like that - shoot now, question later. They were the massive douchebags of the universe and resided in the centre of every galaxy.
They switched the laser on. It didn’t take long to warm up. They shot, but there was a problem; Blondie’s gaping arsehole was swallowing the laser beam.
All that energy and it still wasn’t enough. The Greys in the saucer could feel the laser beam by tuning into Blondie’s frequency and had their minds completely blown. Those on the telepathic end of their fellow species on other spaceships blew out a few brain cells from the slits that served as their noses.
Greys’ brains weren’t the prettiest of things. Their chemical makeup was remarkably similar to Earth faeces, hence all the anal probes (they really just wanted to find out if Earth’s anuses could communicate with them). It smelt the same as well. Faecal brain cells flying about from exploded heads got into the other gravity devices shorting them all out.
Blondie’s arse was too occupied with battling a laser beam. It was nearly too much to handle. It couldn’t swallow up anything else. There wasn’t enough space. This was the best laser beam it had ever come across. It dried up all of her diarrhoea so she could feel the burn. It was so much better than habanero sauce and her ghost chilli enemas. Those were her guilty, twice-a-night pleasure followed by sitting on a cactus.
The Reptilian Shapeshifters were confused. Nothing had ever resisted their laser before. They steered their ship closer to the out of control flying saucer and it hit with X-Ray vision.
They could see inside. Shit was floating around. Too much shit. It was mixing together in a giant blender of anti-gravity swirling around the source of the trouble with the laser beam. It could not be penetrated with X-Ray vision.
They would need to go in. Biohazard suits were a must on this job. With shit that could repel X-Rays floating about, they couldn’t quite see what they should shift their forms into. To be on the safe side, they shapeshifted into a being with a cow’s head, long grey arms, a penis and a vagina. Their eyes were simple yellow slits. Those were hard to change without contacts so they put on sunglasses and hoped for the best.
In they went. They became part of the tornado swirling around Blondie’s laser-sucking anus. After seeing the cops go in and not come out again, creatures in the pile up tried to flee on little emergency ships. Those were also sucked into the tornado.
Blondie’s arse was becoming a black hole on the highway between galaxies. There was only traffic to suck up once the laser was out of energy. Without diarrhoea, debris scraped her arsehole going on in. Warnings had to be placed on that stretch of intergalactic road while a new highway was built by prisoners.
Creatures were stranded unless they could jump dimensions and pass by the highway. It was the only road out of the Milky Way from that particular arm of the galaxy. Highways were slow to build and light years had to be put between Blondie’s arsehole and the new road. Creatures grew old and died in galaxies they didn’t belong in before the new highway was built. The first few journeys on the new road featured more hearse spaceships than anything else.
Seeing the giant arsehole on the horizon while driving past on the new highway, a little boy Grey suggested it should be plugged with a giant butt plug. The intergalactic committee approved the suggestion and one was commissioned. Twenty-five different aliens died installing it. The old highway was haunted by the things that were sucked into the gaping anus. The surface of the giant butt plug became a favourite make-out spot for teens and a place to tell ghost stories whilst being touched by actual ghosts.
Nobody on Earth missed Blondie.