The first brawl sets have been announced. 

• Duncan is up with Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space on 01 April 2024. 
• And I'm up with Ketamine Addicted Pandas on 04 April 2024. 

I would say pray for us. But you can do better than that by voting for us. Vote British Bizarro! Get us through this first round, otherwise we'll grow extra fingers like an AI generated image. 

Sandwiched between International Women's Day (a woman at work handed out gifts) and Mothers Day, I've had a rough weekend. Had to fill in the rather insulting tax credits migration form as if I'm not working flat out and there's been some other things. All of which need to be documented (I have gone into this before). Then there's that cesspit that is facebook (at least unless someone says something direct to me, I don't need to document it). 

I did intend on finishing two short stories and updating the website with a new and improved interviews page (the old one will be remaining in place as that would need to be manually sorted out and I just don't have the time right now). But I haven't done any of that. 

• ​So for now, here's my latest interview. 
• And later on today, A Terrible Case of Dick Rot will hit godless. 

Speaking of godless, I won't be having an April release. I've already spoken to Drew. I don't typically like releasing in June and July, but I've pushed back Satan's Yeast Infection 3 to May which pushes back Stef and Tucker 6 to June (at least I won't be releasing in July provided I get left alone to get shit done and unwind a bit). I was actually thinking of pushing things back prior to Friday evening as I obviously want to put out the best stories I can. I still have those two short stories to finish and even with quick writes and the amount of stress and upset there's been this weekend I really can't rush them. Hopefully there will be no more delays this year. I have big plans for my writing projects that were meant to be done last year, which matter to me more than dealing with social media and people behaving like self-centred cunts as if their country is the only one that has problems and drama lords over on social media. 

I'm obviously really excited that people are reviewing Ketamine Addicted Pandas. I know out of 500+ books on the Intention list for the Books of Horror Indie Brawl it has little chance of making it into the brawl itself, but it is so nice that people are reading it, reviewing it and enjoying it. 

And it gets better...
Ketamine Addicted Pandas isn't the only British Bizarro book on the intention list. Duncan Bradshaw has entered Cannibal Nuns from Outer Space. Duncan's been getting positive feedback about his book too.

And hopefully there's more British Bizarro on the intention list. I don't think it is too late to add your book to the intention list. The more bizarro, the better. 

I have put Ketamine Addicted Pandas forward for the Books of Horror Indie Brawl 2024. I obviously don't expect it to make it into the top 32 (let's face it, Ketamine Addicted Pandas is about pandas that take ket and burn things, there's no hidden meanings or anything, it is just senseless violence and drug taking and panda orgies and necrophilia and torturing nazis for the sake of it - okay, the nazis deserve everything that is done to them), but it would really mean a lot to me if people would consider it. Even just talking about it on the brawl posts or mentioning it on your booktok will direct people who may like such things to Ketamine Addicted Pandas. And maybe a lot of people like it, but don't yet realise that this book exists. 

• You can purchase it from amazon (kindle and paperback) here. 
• ​Or from godless (epub and PDF) here. 

Thank you so much to those of you who have already not just purchased a copy or got an e-book in the giveaway, but told your friends. And thank you to those of you leaving reviews. Here's one below...

I don't think I've had anything reviewed this quickly since Ghetto Super Skank (I will try to do the third version of the cover in the upcoming months - I will eventually have one I'm happy with that contains lots of plastic flexistraws, which are no longer allowed to be sold and rats). 

​Thank you so much for the reviews. I may not see every review but I really appreciate them.

The first is from the Coy Caterpillar. My favourite part of this review must be this quote: Theatrum Mortumm is unlike anything you’ll ever read. Even, for an extreme horror. I don’t know what I was expecting going into it, but it wasn’t this. This horror story chewed me up, spat me out and searched through my innards for something more.

The second review is from Nat Whiston, and she does her's via video. I should probably buy her a replacement pizza. Thankfully we live in the same country so that might be possible one day. 

I have actually had some erotica published recently (that isn't Stef and Tucker). I will be writing more erotica in the near-future (housing situation dependent, I don't really want to talk about those idiots right now or think about them because I just end up mumbling about how some people's stupidity is so harmful that they belong in a secure unit and clenching my fists and jaw). 

The first one, my story In Love's Secret Domain is finally in print in the Juicy Bits anthology. I've included the video of me reading it below (yes, I really do like Coil that much). But make sure you scroll down after the video for the link to the other story (which is online for free). 

That was recorded before Story Time (yes, I'm still sitting on Necro Sutra 3, I will do my best to record it in the beginning of February). A bit off topic, but I'm hoping to get Story Time up and running again over the Easter weekend, depending on what those idiots at Riverside Housing Association are doing. And keep scrolling for the next story. 

In Love's Secret Domain has horror and bizarro elements, this next one has sci fi elements and is a lot tamer than In Love's Secret Domain. It is called Something Borrowed Something Blue. You can share that one with your friends without blushing. 

If you do want longer erotica from me that incorporates horror, bizarro and a little touch of sci-fi, you really want to read 56 Seconds. 

As I said in my last post, I am trying my best to get shit done. I have been making some new book covers as some of my books are in need and if you read my last post, I clearly can't afford book covers (if I hear anyone say a premade is only $50 or whatever, I can't afford that $50, I've been dealing with housing problems all year, however, although I can't really afford it because it is for a long term thing in putting my portfolio together so I can seek employment as I intended when I finished university all those years ago, I do have Adobe and one month of Adobe is the cost of one very cheap premade book cover, I've made quite a few so far, plus numerous social media posts, Story Time etc so it is paying for itself as I put together my portfolio, which I really need to get better at and make it more diverse but I do have a good few years to do so, I don't plan on searching for a new job, preferably in a different country under a different name until my son finishes school, but otherwise, back down south). 

The first new one is for Ketamine Addicted Pandas, which I have put forward for the Books of Horror Indie Author Brawl. 

Then I did Stef and Tucker Book Two Jordan because that cover was horrific, especially when compared to the third Stef and Tucker book (Flowering Penises). The entire Stef and Tucker series can be purchased here. 

Then I gave a new cover to the first Stef and Tucker book. I don't plan on updating the other three Stef and Tucker covers, especially that third one which is a freehand GIMP masterpiece of flowering penises. It did take a few updates to get amazon to approve it because the back text blended into the background no matter what colour I tried (in the end, I partially erased part of the background). I do plan on at least releasing Stef and Tucker 6: Anal Exorcism in 2024. I wrote it in note form last year, so it is there and then going back to my notes from 2015-2016 for the Stef and Tucker book that follows that one (I can't remember the title, but I guess this is what happens when you can finally return to some older projects). 

Then I made a brand new book cover for January's godless release. This one actually took hours. Each one of those needles and stars needed to be individually sized and placed even though the entire thing was done in Adobe Express and Photoshop Express, which are a lot simpler than Photoshop itself (I did the bulk of the other covers in Photoshop, which is fun relearning, although I only can use it on the iPad right now, I still need to sort the harddrive on this computer to run that and InDesign and possibly Illustrator, but I don't want to talk about Illustrator, for now, the iPad fulfils all my film editing needs, although we shall see when I go to create a new title sequence for Story Time). 

And if you've been following my social media, especially instagram, I have been making some pretty posts. This one is for There Are No Dogs This Christmas and The Dog Dies At The End, both of which are exclusive to godless. I've been trying to at least run my selfies through Lightroom to get used to using it but I don't always have time. 

I don't know when I'll next get to post. I'm trying my best to get stuff done and boost my book sales while I have a brief break from dealing with this awful house that should have been fixed properly 8 years ago (or is it 9 now?). I have recently released a new print onto Redbubble as well. Hopefully, I'll be caught up soon and won't have to relive the trauma of 2008-2018 (although if I do, at least I can be single while doing it so it won't be as traumatic and I'll be able to bounce back quicker). 

So there will hopefully be a bit of a break in the housing problems over Christmas so I can get stuff done (my son's bedroom needs a new ceiling as if the housing association only just a few weeks ago made the connection between shoddy repairs that don't last two storms, leaks and water damage damaging the plaster). I'm still waiting for that to be approved, so it shouldn't be done between now and the New Year. 

I've actually had to point out to adults how dealing with these repairs that should have been dealt with years ago has eaten into my income. I've lost nearly every weekend this year to dealing with the house, moving things, painting things, etc. This means I have been unable to write, promote or make plans. I guess after a break of a few years from dealing with this level of stupidity, we're back here. I seriously wonder how these people survive to adulthood. You don't even need empathy to comprehend how a particular problem can impact someone's life (in my case taking all my spare time so I couldn't earn the extra money I need to do more than beyond exist, although at least I can now afford to exist since my payrise, so I have that going for me). You just need some common sense and a small amount of intelligence required to see cause and effect.

I've had problems with people that are that fucking dense causing issues in my life since I was a child (yes, I do have family members who are that fucking stupid - yeah, they did help me land in social housing to begin with and yes, I do fucking resent it). And because these people are being so stupid, I have to document them as well which takes more time blah blah blah. (If you are new here, for legal and medical reasons, I have to document everything that can impact my ability to work, there are potential CRIMINAL not civil charges involved, this goes back to 2008 as it seems not being allowed to work created more problems for me than I knew of until mid-2018). This is applies to everyone. I know some people think they're special but they're not. 

I am planning on using the time during the Christmas break to get all of my self publishing releases for the year done. This does include at least Stef and Tucker 6. I did plan on releasing 6-9 this year, but the house and those idiots at the housing association who seem to think it is no big deal if the repair doesn't work (this also puts my actual job at risk because I can't get into the office, etc). I have filed a complaint about how I've been treated, how this affects my son's health and how it is impacting my ability to work both at my actual career and in terms of writing and art. And I think they were somewhat able to comprehend that if I can't work, I can't pay rent. That is pure and simple. I am hardly living a life of luxury here. I am still living hand-to-mouth, still paying off a lot of debts (some from family emeshment, some from financial abuse, including but not limited to not being allowed to work in the field in which I am qualified to work in, both are now considered domestic abuse and therefore a criminal offence).

I had to drop Story Time halfway through Spooky Season because I just couldn't keep that going while dealing with the house for any longer. I was and remain exhausted. I have purchased a copy of Necro Sutra 3 and will be doing a one-off on Story Time with it and hope to be back on a schedule sometime next year with fancy new title sequences etc. 

I obviously haven't worked on my cut-up project since January, which is ashame. Writing cut-ups helps with writing fiction (and actually helps in my marketing career). I did actually buy some materials for it last year, so I'm hoping to dig those out soon (still waiting on these idiots at the housing association to sort themselves out). Because I've invested money in this, I kinda need it to pay off quickly. I can't afford to leave projects on the back burner. I should be able to by this stage in my life and I was starting to get somewhere between 2018 and the lockdowns, but then one of my relatives starting acting up again and created a bunch of pretty severe problems that I am still dealing with in terms of debt (and people wonder why I don't feel wanted or that I should be around, seriously, just leave me to it, and I will disappear, removing all traces of me if I am that intolerable, I plan on changing my name and everything, but I can't go anywhere if I can't earn the money to do so). I did start writing a little cut-up, just messing around while I was waiting for potatoes to boil, but I don't know what direction that is heading in. I'm not sure if it'll earn back the costs of those materials because this seems more like a long-form one. 

I also haven't really worked on We Gave the World Synthpop Dreams. When I have time, I have deadlines right now. We Gave the World Synthpop Dreams, much like Snow White, is one of those projects that won't have an immediate payout so I have to focus on other things. I did plan on having a balance between longer term things like We Gave the World Synthpop Dreams and self-publishing this year, but the house and some other stresses had other ideas. 

Hopefully if I manage to complete everything I plan on self publishing during 2024 over the Christmas break, I can work on my other projects. I also had some larger scale art projects planned as well. I haven't purchased materials for those as I already have them. So it is just stuff I already have and saving boxes, which I've done. And I'll hopefully get some new things on Redbubble. Right now, I've been updating book covers that need it while trying to rest and unwind in the evenings (i'm not going back to 2008-2018 where I had no time to rest, that broke my mental health and physical health). I know I usually knit or draw while watching TV, but I've been feeling anxious about my lack of productivity and need to get good at using Adobe again. I was going to post these new book covers in this post, but it has turned really negative (obviously I have some intense feelings at this year's bullshit and I've only been posting about the two biggest problems, there's been quite a few others too) so I'll put them in another post before I write for an hour and then get ready for bed. 

​As this website won't be regulary updated until things stablise again, the best way to keep track of releases and what is going on is through my social media. My facebook profile gets the bulk of the updates. And hopefully things will even out during 2024 and hopefully the housing association will stop fucking up and people will stop taking their problems, stupidity and insecurity out on me. 

So there's been some developments since my last blog post. If you follow my social media, you'll know I can have my phone in my bag at work and now have an Apple Watch. That's about 50 per cent of the needless stress and problems created by other people gone right there. Obviously, I spent a lot of time in the past arguing with people about why I won't apply for jobs that would put my son in danger and then my employer brought out that phone policy and it did put my son in danger and it shouldn't have taken it becoming a police matter for it to be fixed, but here we are. 

I've also been given a pay rise. No one seems to be on agreement of what the national payrate is, but if going off a list I found on wages in the North West, with my pay rise and money I make for art and writing, I am now on the average for this area. Not only is that a bit of a weight off my shoulder gone, but it feels really good to no longer be on a graduate wage. Obviously, I lost ten years of my life to people taking their problems out on me (with these past nearly 11 months, I think people have now seen for themselves what other people and organisations taking their problems out on me have the power to do and how it can trap someone). So finally being into a normal or average pay packet has really improved how I feel about myself. It'll make clearing some of these debts a bit easier too. And if anyone tries to inflict 'help' on me, maybe that'll chase them off. 

Obviously, I'm no longer looking for a new place to work. I face a lot of discrimination as it is so it does make seeking employment more difficult then losing ten years of my life, plus the five to start the rebuild, it makes it even harder. I was quite happy where I was until the phone policy which no longer affects me and with the added pay, it is pretty obvious that my employer wants me around and I am valuable to the company.

This means that I can really focus on my portfolio over the upcoming years and make it something that is really nice and special. Not only does it need to be special to overcome the discrimination, but if I want to move abroad, it will need to be super special. So I will be staying where I am at. I still have job alerts though, but that is so I can see what should be in my portfolio. Between graduation and #metoo, marketing and advertising really changed a lot so my original course of action that I was going to follow had I been allowed to work following getting my degree is no longer feasible. But this is a field that changes very rapidly, sometimes overnight, so it wasn't like I wasn't preparing myself for that when I was at university. I just didn't imagine I'd be unable to work for so long (the original plan was to freelance without my mother's notice in my bedroom and save all of that money to move out before seeking employment but absolutely NO ONE in my life wanted me to do that, as I tell my son, if people actually wanted me around, people would have let me work, at any point in those ten years someone, anyone could have decided to stop hindering me and actually listen to me and treat me with some level of respect). 

So, with one problem gone, I still have one more left (other than the long term stuff which I'm so used to that I only notice when it is gone). And that is the state of my house. If you recall, this was meant to be repaired earlier in the year. Shall we say, those repairs didn't work for very long. I had a roofer here all day the other day, despite poor to no communication from the housing association. He pulled off all the old repairs and some old roof tiles and replaced everything, so hopefully that'll work. My son's room needs to dry out before I can repaint in there. Then on the 15th, a 'damp master' is being installed. I'm hoping with the installation of the 'damp master' (I don't know if that's what it is actually called, but that's what I was told over the phone and I like it so much I am going to keep calling it that) that these extra problems created for me through no action of my own will be gone. I'm also waiting for a new back door, but that's an entirely new repair and hopefully they won't find a way to mess that one up. 

I'm still waiting for my medical records, but how i've been treated (or not) by the NHS is one of those long term problems. I'm so used to using home remedies for everything now anyways. I do look forward to finally getting some answers, a diagnosis (or half a dozen) and some effective medical treatment, but I am going to have to fight for it. Basically, this is one of those things that I'll only notice when it is no longer a problem. It just took the spotlight this year when a nurse screwed up and phoned me for my diabetes check, even though I was previously told I don't have diabetes. 

I'm still not back on form. I am tired after nearly a full year of the bullshit again. It has also been very triggering. I am going to spend the rest of the year relaxing and unwinding from it all. Looking after my mental health is just as important as trying to prevent problems from happening in the first place. Plus, I'm a single mother. I have no one here to do my fucking chores and I work full time. There's only so many hours in a day (another thing the disordered people I had to find ways to tolerate failed to comprehend, thank whatever gods you worship for the legal changes). 

I am aware that Kevin Sweeney has released Necro Sutra 3 and I know how popular these are on Story Time so I will try and do a one-off with it. Going offline  in the middle of Spooky Season probably isn't the best thing, but with everything that has been going on, there's no way I could have gotten some more stories and then recorded and uploaded (the editing and thumbnails, etc doesn't take very long). There's a lot on there and people are missing out on some traditional horror with Amanda M Lyons, Em Dehaney and Matthew Cash, plus some really cool and sometimes funny erotica. I will start adjusting the SEO again to try to get more viewers. Actual viewers not the creeps. Here's the link to Youtube if you want to go check it out now without scrolling through my linktree. 

I still want to finish We Gave the World Synthpop Dreams this year. I think I'm going to have to leave the cut-up project until next year. I don't know where I put my stamper for it either. I was so happy when that arrived. When I start doing conventions again (was meant to be this year), I'll have to bring it. I'm going to try to get some of the drawings I've been working on uploaded to Redbubble over the course of November though (not next weekend, I'm hoping to get a much needed massage or the weekend after because my hair needs to be re-bleached). 

And on that thought, I am going to go try to get my Christmas story finished before dinner. 

Basically, don't expect regular posts again until the New Year, even with the 50 per cent reduction in my stress. 

Well, it started raining in my son's room again. The housing association clearly didn't fix the roof at the god know's what opportunity. This is after I spent a small fortune on paint and a new bed for him. Plus I lost crucial writing time to re-decorate and deal with roofers, etc. 

Then, the other day he was assaulted and mugged. His AirPods were stolen (I buy him nice things, even though I struggle to afford nice things so he can realise that hard work pays off, for years, he watched me working hard and starting to get somewhere only for someone to come and rip it all away, yes I've posted about this before, it did include teacher's at his primary school, it really impacted his ambition to do well in life and hurt his mental health and of course it wasn't just teachers, some people who behaved like that used the 'L' word either with me or with him or with both of us). But it gets worse. Due to my employer's paranoid, conspiracy theory based phone policy that they forced upon on one day (they also keep dangling a fucking carrot saying it is going to be reviewed, it won't be), the police couldn't contact me. So now my poor child who already went through an ordeal knows that his mum can't be reached. I obviously pointed out repeatedly how dangerous this phone policy was, but I wasn't listened to. And of course, my personal favourite bit of dismissiveness, 'no one likes change'. Hmmm... change doesn't bother me, putting my child in danger does. 

So yeah, in addition to all the other bullshit I've been dealing with this year (including worsening ability to read due to some conflicting feedback and insecure people thinking if they say something enough it makes it true, so in other words bullying), I now have both of these things to deal with. 

Obviously, I can't prevent my child from being mugged. This was in daylight, he was walking home from school. He has to go to school. Plus he should be able to go out (that was something I wasn't allowed to do except with a boyfriend, I vowed to never lock any child I had away). However, I should be contactable if something bad occurs (and I'm afraid no amount of positive thought prevents bad things from happening, they happen to us all). I should be able to prevent a bad situation from becoming worse, but unfortunately, my employer doesn't see it like that. We're still waiting for the police to take my son's statement, so I'll be discussing this situation with them. 

So two situations. One of which shouldn't exist at all. The other of which shouldn't be as bad as it is. And I've been dealing with crap that really shouldn't exist since January. I am beyond my breaking point at this stage. When I did go to the doctor, the doctor was like 'but you're taking active steps to remove yourself from the situation already so I can't really do anything for you'.

I honestly cannot wait for this shitty year to end. With all of these extra traumatic situations, I may not get everything done that I need to. Just please bare with me. I am dealing with a lot of crap. Story Time is recorded and uploaded for episodes up to 13th October. I may miss weeks after that. I am sorry. My website posts have obviously been taking a hit. I'm trying my best to get my novel done while working on self-publishing projects. I honestly do not want a repeat of those ten years between graduation and #metoo to interfere with my work as it did during that time because that just keeps the cycle going. I am taking active steps (as the doctor pointed out to me) to fix this situation and get things back on track. Unfortunately, stuff beyond my control does happen (and all it does is remind me of those ten years because minus my son being assaulted and mugged, the other two problems wouldn't fucking exist if I had been allowed to work after graduating).

I usually get blamed when stuff beyond my control happens and then targeted for 'help' (which makes my life and my son's life harder and causes a lot of problems and debt), so I have that anxiety hanging over me as well. I know the laws are changing, but they're still only applying on domestic, family and social fronts and don't yet apply to employers or schools (or even the police). So, technically it is illegal for some people to inflict 'help' on me, it isn't illegal for others. 

thank you if you have been watching Story Time without my posts about it or if you have picked up Strip/Becoming. It means a lot and it makes a difference (including in terms of the 'help' because you get told how worthless you are and it gets implied that you haven't done anything at all to help yourself - yes, seriously, and yes, my son's former teachers did do that). 

I need a fucking holiday. I haven't had one. A proper one where I pick where to go and it doesn't involve the USA in any way shape or form. Ever. Something like lounging on a beach somewhere tropical. Once these debts and the problems caused by those ten years of not being allowed to work are dealt with, I'm having that fucking holiday. 

I will try to be back as my usual bubbly self as soon as possible with my usual posts as soon as possible. 2023 sucks!